The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXMilhouse Van Houten Quotes
Krusty: Milhouse, know any knock-knock jokes?
Milhouse: (cries) I wanna go home!
Martin: Milhouse, I'd like to express my appreciation for Saturday. Jelly bean basket, personalized noisemakers. But the little touches are what made it enduring!
Bart: What's he talking about?
Milhouse: Uh... Hey! Look at that dog! Isn't that something!
Bart: Wow, brown!
Milhouse: Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend any more. That's why you couldn't come to the party.
Bart: What's she got against me?
Milhouse: She says you're a bad influence.
Bart: Bad influence, my ass.
Bart: Milhouse can you keep a secret?
Milhouse: No.
Bart: Oh well who cares, Michael Jackson is coming to my house!!
(after he sniffed the comic book) It smells like my Grandpa.
Buddy Hodges: Any questions?
Milhouse: When Radioactive Man got injected with shrinking serum in issue 234, how come his costume shrinks too?
Buddy Hodges: I am sure I don't know.
Bart: We worked so hard and now it's all gone. We ended up with nothing because the three of us can't share.
Milhouse: What's your point?
Bart: Nothing, just kinda ticks me off.
(Bart, Milhouse, and Martin discuss their ownership of the comic)
Martin: How about this, guys? Bart can have it Mondays and Thursdays, Milhouse will get it Tuesdays and Fridays, and yours truly will take it Wednesdays and Saturdays.
Bart: Perfect!
Milhouse: Wait a minute! What about Sundays?
Bart: (suspiciously) Yeah, what about Sundays?
Martin: Well, Sunday possession will be determined by a random number generator. I will take the digits 1 through 3, Milhouse will have 4 through 6, and Bart will have 7 through 9.
Bart: Perfect!
Milhouse: Wait a minute! What about 0?
Bart: (suspiciously) Yeah, what about 0?
Milhouse: Yeah!
Martin: Well, in the unlikely event of a 0, possession will be determined by rock scissors paper competition, best 3 out of 5, how's that?
(Bart and Milhouse agree.)
Milhouse: Oh no, he's hurt.
Lewis: Bad!
Milhouse: Let's get out of here!
(Scene cuts back and forth between Homer at Moe's and Bart at home, who are watching the same wrestling match on TV)
Milhouse: Hey, that's my seat.
Bart: Correction, was your seat.
(Cut to Moe's Tavern)
Barney: But I only got up to go the the can!
Homer: Hey, I don't see your name engraved on this bar stool.
(Bart and Milhouse say goodbye, as Bart is headed off to Capital City.)
Milhouse: I don't know, Bart. I mean, I'm gonna miss you and all, but--
Bart: Come on, Milhouse. This way we'll be friends forever.
Milhouse: Wellokay.
(Bart and Milhouse spit on each other's hands and shake.)
Bart and Milhouse: (In unison) Eeeew!
Bart: I'm gonna miss you, spit brother.
Milhouse: I'm gonna miss you, spit brother.
(Bart holds a cherry bomb in his hand.)
Milhouse: So, you're gonna flush it?
Bart: What can I say? I got a weakness for the classics
