Milhouse: Come on, Bart. You're gonna make me a print, aren't you?
Bart: Will you swear not to let another living soul get a copy of this photo?
Milhouse: Okay!
Bart: Cross your heart and hope to die?
Milhouse: Yep!
Bart: Stick a needle in your eye?
Milhouse: Yep!
Bart: Jam a dagger in your thigh?
Milhouse: Yep!
Bart: Eat a horse manure pie?
Milhouse: (Thinks for a second) Yep!
Bart: Well, okay.

Milhouse: Will there be cavemen in heaven?
Sunday School Teacher: Certainly not!
Bart: Um, ma'am, what if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?
Sunday School Teacher: For the last time, Bart, yes!

Bart: Okay, we all know why we're here, right?
Milhouse: No, why?
Bart: To fight Nelson, the bully. That guy has been tormenting all of us for years, and I for one am sick of it! I can't promise you victory. I can't promise you good times. But the one thing I do know--
(All the boys file out.)
Bart: Whoa! Whoa! I promise you victory! I promise you good times!

Milhouse: Get a load of that quote-unquote Santa.
Lewis: I can't believe those kids are falling for it.
Bart: Hey, Milhouse, I dare you to sit on his lap.
Milhouse: Oh, yeah. Well I dare you to yank his beard off.
Bart: Ah, touché.

Bart: Poor Krusty. He's become the lowest form of life, a sidekick.
Milhouse: You said it, Bart. Way to sum up the situation.
Bart: Take it easy, buddy.
Milhouse: That's exactly how I'll take it.

First girls ruin Sex and the City, now this.

Milhouse: Maybe we can find an answer in this bookstore
Bart: Book stores don't have answers, the just have creepy guys sitting in easy chairs at the end of aisle ways

How could Mrs. Krabappel take my cell phone? I'm only on month one of a sixty month plan

Nelson [about the school's ancient computer]: My stroked out grandfather has more memory tha that thing
Milhouse: How's he doing?
Nelson: Better, thanks

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.


Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!