If we're found dressed like this, it won't look good for the gays.

He's managed to make a gay couple hate brunch.

Mitchell: Nobody kisses at a bowling alley!
Cam: I almost got a turkey!

Don't carry me out this time, I think it sends the wrong message to Lily.

I know I'm not the handiest guy, but I'm still a man and I want to be able to look out into my yard and say, 'There's a little bit of me in that princess castle.

Mitchell: Aren't you going to change into a working man's outfit?
Cameron: I don't think workmen really call them outfits.

Mitchell: Why did you dress her in jungle print?
Cam: Because I thought it would be cute!
Mitchell: She's going to think she's back in Vietnam!

Sweet Lady Gaga... that is good.

Cam: People always say I scream Hawaii.
Mitchell: Who says that?
Cam: People...
Mitchell: What people?
Cam: ...You don't know them.

Cameron's moment went on for a really, really long time. Turns out I could've run to the party and made it back for the end of his moment.

Cameron: Did you hear that woman screaming my name?
Mitchell: That was Phil. He had a Red Bull.

Jay: What's up with the big sweater at a concert? Some sort of gay thing?
Mitchell: No, it's from this apres-ski party and... yes, it's some sort of gay thing.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

[Singing] You are not the man you used to be. You get up four times at night to pee. Ba da dum da dum tat ta ta ta. You're super duper old now.

Phil