If we're found dressed like this, it won't look good for the gays.

He's managed to make a gay couple hate brunch.

Mitchell: Nobody kisses at a bowling alley!
Cam: I almost got a turkey!

Don't carry me out this time, I think it sends the wrong message to Lily.

I know I'm not the handiest guy, but I'm still a man and I want to be able to look out into my yard and say, 'There's a little bit of me in that princess castle.

Mitchell: Aren't you going to change into a working man's outfit?
Cameron: I don't think workmen really call them outfits.

Mitchell: Why did you dress her in jungle print?
Cam: Because I thought it would be cute!
Mitchell: She's going to think she's back in Vietnam!

Sweet Lady Gaga... that is good.

Cam: People always say I scream Hawaii.
Mitchell: Who says that?
Cam: People...
Mitchell: What people?
Cam: ...You don't know them.

Cameron's moment went on for a really, really long time. Turns out I could've run to the party and made it back for the end of his moment.

Cameron: Did you hear that woman screaming my name?
Mitchell: That was Phil. He had a Red Bull.

Jay: What's up with the big sweater at a concert? Some sort of gay thing?
Mitchell: No, it's from this apres-ski party and... yes, it's some sort of gay thing.