Mitchell: I guess you don't respect party themes.
Cam: You did NOT just say that.

You're so gay you can't even think of real girls names.

This could be my 'going bald' scare all over again.

I once saw a picture of myself at a friend's poetry slam, and all you could see were the whites of my eyes.

Cam: She's already prone to flashbacks, if you know what I mean.
Mitchell: You know she didn't fight in Vietnam, right?

You did one production of Godspell in a barn. You're barn folk!

Mitchell: She wants us to buy Lily a Blackberry.
Cam: She doesn't have the dexterity for that!

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Cam: I hate your beard.
Mitchell: Wow, you had that bullet in the chamber.

Where was all this conscience when I got us into the first-class lounge in the airport and you chewed Angela Lansbury's ear off?

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.

If we're found dressed like this, it won't look good for the gays.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke