Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Cam: Hey we got a package from my dad!
Mitchell: No air holes in the box, that's a good sign.
Cam: Lily loved having that chicken.
Mitchell: One more time than she realized.

We will be maintaining our dignity in the spa, thank you.

Cam: Do you feel what's happening here?
Mitchell: I feel pinching!
Cam: I'm the weak link in the super-group.

Mitchell: You know I'm surprised this particular foursome doesn't hang out more, considering...
Alex: We're the cultured ones in this family?

Unlike you, I don't need a reason to watch a bunch of guys run around in shorts.

Mitchell: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Cam: Well you did and do you know what the sad thing is? We could be laughing at someone's calf implants right now.

Oh please. He slips in and out of that accent like Kate Winslet in Titanic.

Haley: You’re super green!
Mitchell: I know! I’m recycling a dollhouse, I recycled a child.

I'm not having a wedding slash Hunger Games themed sweet sixteen part- oh you're tapping your fingers. You really do have a plan.

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