Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

C'mon does Gloria really look like the kind of woman who would run a brothel? Yeah I better go with her.

Cam: You know what we don't have in this family? Two supportive loving fathers.
Mitchell: I'm just saying she's five.
Cam: And you never let her forget it.

Cam: Well obviously the tooth fairy made a mistake.
Mitchell: Maybe it's cause the tooth fairy had a little too much chardonnay last night.

Easy Duchess, it's just one room, not Gosford Park.

Cam: I knew when I was 5.
Mitchell: Everyone knew when you were 5.

Lily: But Daddy he's really good.
Mitchell: I'm really good too.
Lily: But it's a sport.

I had a pretty good hat run, but then I saw a photo of myself in a dude ranch. I looked like Reba at the Grammys.

I don't wanna meet anything on Monday that I'm gonna eat on Friday.

We've had my dad's baby 45 minutes and he's already in a dress.

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