The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Moe Szyslak Quotes
Homer: Hurry, Moe, hurry! I've only got five minutes till the music store closes!
Moe: Well, why don't you go there first?
Homer: Hey, do I tell you how to do your job?!
The Flaming Moe is not for sale. Do you know how much of my blood and sweat are in this drink? (everybody in the bar spits out their drink) Uh, figure of speech.
(after drinking the Flaming Homer) Wow, Homer, it's like there's a party in my mouth and everybody's invited!
Gin and tonic? Do they mix?
Homer: Where's that waitress of yours?
Moe: Oh, she left to pursue a movie career. Frankly, I think she was better off here.
Barney: Hey, what's this?
Moe: A sneeze guard.
Barney: (sneezes) Wow, it really works!
Business is slow. People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Wha? I'm sorry, Homer I couldn't hear you
Homer: I said you just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Huh?
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Homer you're going to have to speak up!
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer, Moe!
Moe: I've forced myself to wha?
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Homer.. I'll talk to you tomorrow!
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Yeah you can use it!
Well It's hard to say, He may have come up with the recipe, but I came up with the idea of charging $6.95 for it.
Collette: Barkeep, I couldn't help noticing your sign.
Moe: What, the one that says 'Bartenders do it till you barf'?
Homer: Could I get a beer?
Moe: Oh yeah, sure.... oh sorry, I forgot we're out of beer.
Homer: Aaaaaah!
Moe: Oh I know, I got behind on my beer payment, the distributor cut me off, and I spent my last ten grand on the love tester. (Homer sucks the taps). It's too late Homer, Barney sucked it dry.
Moe: Yeah. Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking.
Bart: Is Jacques there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Jacques. Last name Strap.
Moe: Uh, hold on. (Calling out) Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey, guys, I'm lookin' for a Jacques Strap!
(The entire bar laughs at Moe.)
Moe: What? Aw, wait a minute, Jacques Strap? It's you isn't it, you cowardly little runt! When I get a hold of you, I am gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood.
