Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
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Okay, everybody, for the next 15 minutes, one-third off on every pitcher! (Crowd cheers) Hey, one per customer. Domestic beer only. Hey, no sharing!

Moe

(At Moe's, the guys try to get Homer to tell his story about moving to Capital City.)
Barney: So, Homer, what happened in Capital City?
Homer: Oh, Barney.
Moe: Come on, Homer. We're dyin' of curiosity.
Homer: Look, there's only one thing worse than being a loser. It's being one of those guys who sits in a bar telling the story of how he became a loser. And I never want that to happen to me!
Barney: Please, Homer?
Moe: Yeah, come on, Homer.
Homer: Well, okay. It all started on Nuclear Plant Employee, Spouses and No More Than Three Children Night, down at Springfield Stadium

Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Hello. Is Al there?
Moe: Al?
Bart: Yeah, Al. Last name, Coholic.
Moe: Lemme check. Phone call for Al, Al Coholic. (Louder) Is there an Al Coholic here?
(Everyone in the bar laughs at Moe.)
Moe: Wait a minute. Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass. If I ever find out who you are, I'll kill ya!

Homer: My wife's gonna leave me 'cause she thinks I'm a pig.
Moe: Homer.
Homer: What?
Moe: Marge is right. You are a pig. You can ask anyone in this bar!
Homer: (Shocked) What? Hey, Barney, am I a pig?
Barney: You're even more of a pig than I am. (Belches)
Homer: Oh, no!
Moe: See? You're a pig. Barney's a pig, Larry's a pig. We're all pigs!

Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Is Oliver there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Oliver Klozoff.
Moe: Hold on. I'll check. Oliver Klozoff! Call for Oliver Klozoff!

Moe: Yeah. Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking.
Bart: Is Jacques there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Jacques. Last name Strap.
Moe: Uh, hold on. (Calling out) Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey, guys, I'm lookin' for a Jacques Strap!
(The entire bar laughs at Moe.)
Moe: What? Aw, wait a minute, Jacques Strap? It's you isn't it, you cowardly little runt! When I get a hold of you, I am gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood.

Displaying quotes 121 - 126 of 126 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

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