Man, soccer's even boring for the ball.

If the late great Nora Ephron taught us anything,it's that - oh, what's my other inflatable doll doing here?!?

Gaga: Never forget, you're all my little monsters.
Moe: Actually, I'm half monster, half Armenian. Pick your poison.

Moe: And that's that. Another story in the classic infallible three-act structure. Good enough for Aristotle, good enough for The Simpsons.
Lisa: Mr. Szyslak I have feeling there's going to be one more act to this story.
Moe: Well I'm not hanging around for that. Pfftt. Four acts.

Homer: And now because it's after noon, I can go to Moe's without having a "drinking problem."
Moe: Hey Homer, I could hear your pathetic rationalizing through the door.

Wow, that's the farthest one of my egg ever made it down someone's throat.

My fresco! That's coming out of your stealings!

I'm Moe Szyslak. Growing up, I had roundworm. Heck I was more worm than man some months. I dabbled in satanism until I was asked to leave. Oh and one month I ate nothing by aquarium fish.

Not bad. Like Frisbee Golf, I'm glad I tried it once.

I'd have to move in with mom, who's dead and doesn't have a house.

Smithers: Can I have a scotch and water?
Moe: My scotch is a scotch and water.

That wasn't the Wi-Fi - that was my Bell's Palsy acting up.

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Homer