The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXMr. Burns Quotes
Mr. Burns: Well, Smithers, I guess there is nothing left but to kiss my sorry butt goodbye.
Smithers: May I, sir?
Mr. Burns: So, what did you do this weekend, Smithers?
Smithers: Well, I caught up on my laundry, wrote a letter to my mother, oh, here a kicker, and I took Hercules out to be clipped.
Mr. Burns: Who the devil is Hercules?
Smithers: Oh, he's my Yorkshire terrier, sir. He's kind of tiny, so you know, it's a joke. Here's a picture of Herky. (shows a wallet sized photo of Hercules)
Mr. Burns: Ugh. Well, Smithers, don't you know how to paint the town red!
Oh "meltdown". That's one of those annoying buzz words. We prefer to call it an un-requested fission surplus.
Well, the worm has turned, has it not, my tin-plated friend? Look out, you. You who were once so proud! Feel the wrath of the left hand of Burns!
Burns: Who is that bookworm, Smithers?
Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir.
Burns: Simpson, eh? How very strange. His job description clearly specifies an illiterate!
(Mr. Burns, Smithers, Dr. Marvin Monroe and other doctors review Homer's test shaking their heads in disbelief making tsk-tsk noises.)
Homer: So did I pass doc?
Mr. Burns: N-no.
(Doctors grab Homer and escort him out. Homer gasps and screeches.)
Smithers: Careful men. He wets his pants.
(Mr. Burns and Smithers review the security camera footage at the power plant.)
Mr. Burns: Wait a minute. Go back.
(Tape rewinds)
Mr. Burns: Zoom in.
(Screen zooms in to Homer.)
Mr. Burns: Why is that man in pink?
Smithers: That's Homer Simpson, sir. He's one of your boobs from Sector 7-G.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? Well, judging by his outlandish attire, he's some sort of free-thinking anarchist.
Smithers: I'll call security, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
Mr. Burns: (reading Homer's letter) "Dear Mr. Burns. I'm so glad you enjoyed my son's blood, and your card was just great." Why Simpson, you've made my day, you're a true gentlemen.
Homer: Well I-
Mr. Burns: Hello, there's more. (continues reading) "In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. You stink! You are a senile bucktoothed old mummy with bony girl arms and you smell like an elephant's butt!"
Burns: Top of the morning to ye Why look who's here it's good ole' you!
Worker: Hi, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Hey there Mr d'uh Brown Shoes! How bout that local sports team eh?
Mr. Burns: Aaah! There's something on my leg, get it off, get it off!
Marge: Mr. Burns, it's just a baby!
Mr. Burns: Incidentally, thank you for not making fun of my genitalia. (Mr. Burns walks away)
Marge: I thought I did.
Burns: Somebody up there likes me, Smithers!
Smithers: Somebody down here likes you too, sir!
Burns: Shut up!
