Smithers: Even so, sir, we could stand to lay off a few employees.
Mr. Burns: Oh, very well! (Points at the monitors) Lay off him, him, him, him...(Sees Homer wearing Kissinger's glasses) Hmm...better keep the egghead. He just might come in handy.

Mr. Burns: Thank you so much for visiting our plant, Dr. Kissinger.
Henry Kissinger: It was fun.
Smithers: We'll let you know if your glasses turn up.
Henry Kissinger: Uh...yes, well, I'm sure I left them in the car. (Thinking to himself) No one must know I dropped them in the toilet--not I, the man who drafted the Paris peace accord.

Captain McCallister: I'll need three ships and 50 stout men. We'll sail 'round the horn and return with spices and silk the likes of which ye have never seen.
Mr. Burns: We're building a casino!
Captain McCallister: Arrr...can you give me five minutes?

Labor Inspector: This plant violates every labor law in the book. We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!
Mr. Burns: That plane crashed on my property!

Charlie: Well, sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous escape, but we desperately need a real emergency exit!
Mr. Burns: Why, that's a fabulous idea! Anything else you'd like? How about real lead in the radiation shields? Urinal cakes, maybe?

Female Department of Labor Officer: This power plant violates every labor law in the book. We found a missing soccer team from Brazil working in the reactor core!
Mr. Burns: That plane crashed on my property!

Get back to work, Stuart!

Mr. Burns (<i>to a duck</i>)

Smithers: Someone is charging room service to the company, sir.
Mr. Burns: Well, we'll just see about that!
(Mr. Burns walks over to a cage full of winged monkeys and opens it.)
Mr. Burns: Fly, my pretties, fly!
(The monkeys jump out the window, and fall to the ground.)
Mr. Burns: (Sighs) Continue the research.

Mr. Burns: And I'm really enjoying this so called...iced cream!
Smithers: Sir, in the spirit of the festival and everything I'd just like to say that...I...love...you.
Mr. Burns: Hmm?
Smithers: In those colors!

Brad Goodman: Let me hear what's troubling you. Don't be shy, yell it out. Everybody, go!
Mayor Quimby: I, er, can't commit to a relationship.
Mr. Burns: I'm too nice!
Apu: I have problems with--
Lenny: I'm always interrupting people!

Mr. Burns: Who's that goat-legged fellow, Smithers? I like the cut of his jib.
Smithers: Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your 11 o'clock.

(Homer puts stake in Mr.Burns)
Homer: Take that!
(Homer hits stake with hammer multiple times)
Lisa: Uh Dad, that's his crotch.
Homer: Oh, Sorry.
(Homer puts stake where the heart and hits it)
Mr. Burns: AAAAAAGH!
(Mr. Burns disentergrates)
Homer: Whoo-hoo!
(Mr. Burns Comes Back Alive)
Mr. Burns: You're Fired!
(Mr. Burns Dies Again)
Homer: D'oh!

The Simpsons Quotes

Lincoln, Lincoln. I've been thinkin'. What the hell have you've been drinkin'? Is it water? Is it wine? Oh, my gosh. It's turpentine!

Bart & Lisa

Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to "Evil."

Repairman