Mr. Garrison Quotes
Season 14, Episode 6: "201"
Mr. Garrison: I'm sorry, Eric.
Cartman (as Mitch Connor): Sorry is a four letter word with a y on the end that doesn't mean anything to this kid.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 5, Episode 12: "Here Comes the Neighborhood"
Mr. Garrison: Now we can sell all their homes and become millionares.
Guys: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Jimbo: But then you had us all do all that for nothing, don't you see if you get rich selling these homes then there'd still be rich people in South Park.
Randy Marsh: Yeah, you'll become what you hate.
Mr. Garrison:........Yeah but at least I got rid of all those damn ni[South Park ending theme]
• Rating: Unrated
Mr. Garrison: (to Mrs. Jane Smith) Yeah, that's right cash tucker! Have fun with your two-million dollar house!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 5, Episode 11: "The Entity"
Agent: The airlines are in desperate trouble. Your vehicle is causing them to lose money.
Mr. Garrison: Yeah, well that was the point, dingleberry!
• Rating: Unrated
Clerk: We'll get you on the 7 A.M. flight tomorrow morning.
Mr. Garrison: I can't go tomorrow, the Jizzfest is tonight!
• Rating: Unrated
Mr. Garrison: That's it! A gyroscope. It will allow for maximum balance andMr. Hat, you're a genius!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 5, Episode 10: "How to Eat with Your Butt"
Mr. Garrison: I never realized Ben had TPS but I definately see the resemblence now.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 5, Episode 8: "Towelie"
(Mr. Garrison walks out of a shower with a towel around him. The military barges into the room.)
Military official: Get it!
Mr. Garrison: What the...? (gets pinned to the wall as his towel is taken off)
Military official: Throw it down!
Mr. Garrison: Oh, alright! Have your way with me if you must... Go on, fulfill your sick pleasures!
(The military destroys the towel and leaves.)
Military official: Alright, lets go!
Mr. Garrison: Where are you going?
• Rating: Unrated
Season 5, Episode 7: "Proper Condom Use"
Chef: Look, schools are teaching condom use to younger and younger students each day! But sex isn't something that should be taught in textbooks and diagrams. Sex is emotional and spiritual. It needs to be taught by family. I know it can be hard, parents, but if you leave it up to the schools to teach sex to kids, you don't know who they're learning it from. It could be from someone who doesn't know, [pans to Mr. Mackey] someone who has a bad opinion of it, [pans to Ms. Choksondik] or even a complete pervert. [pans to Mr. Garrison]
Mr. Garrison: What? Why did you pan to me just now? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
• Rating: Unrated
Filmore: Can we do fingerpaint?
Mr. Garrison: No, we can't do fingerpaint! You kids wanna get herpes? Huh? How about a nice bucket of AIDS? Sound good?
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 101