Mr. Garrison Quotes
Randy: That word's kind of getting old. It's not really funny anymore.
Man: Yeah, they're gonna have to come up with a new swear word now.
Mr. Garrison: Well, they can't use "fag." Because you can't say "fag" unless you're a homosexual.
Randy: Really? So we can't say (bleep)?
Mr. Garrison: No. See, you got beeped.
Man: You mean you have to be a (bleep) to say (bleep)?
Mr. Garrison: That's right.
Jimbo: Hell, that's not fair! I should be able to say "fag."
Randy: Hey, you didn't get beeped.
Jimbo: Uh, oh.
Mr. Garrison: Well well well! Guess we learned something new about you, Jimbo, you freakin' fag! You wanna make out or something?
- Permalink: That word's kind of getting old. It's not really funny anymore. ...
Mr. Garrison: And so children, instead of saying "Hand in your papers." I may now say "Hand in your shit." Any questions?
Filmore: What about "I have to take a shit"?
Mr. Garrison: No, no Filmore, you can say "I have to poop and shit," or "Oh, shit, I have to poop," but not "I have to shit." Are we all clear?
- Permalink: And so children, instead of saying Hand in your papers. I may no...
Mr. Garrison: Now we can sell all their homes and become millionares.
Jimbo: But then you had us all do all that for nothing, don't you see if you get rich selling these homes then there'd still be rich people in South Park.
Randy Marsh: Yeah, you'll become what you hate.
Mr. Garrison:........Yeah but at least I got rid of all those damn ni[South Park ending theme]
- Permalink: Now we can sell all their homes and become millionares. WHAT?!...
(to Mrs. Jane Smith) Yeah, that's right cash tucker! Have fun with your two-million dollar house!
- Permalink: Yeah, that's right cash tucker! Have fun with your two-million d...
That's it! A gyroscope. It will allow for maximum balance andMr. Hat, you're a genius!
- Permalink: That's it! A gyroscope. It will allow for maximum balance andMr....
Clerk: We'll get you on the 7 A.M. flight tomorrow morning.
Mr. Garrison: I can't go tomorrow, the Jizzfest is tonight!
- Permalink: We'll get you on the 7 A.M. flight tomorrow morning. I can't...
Agent: The airlines are in desperate trouble. Your vehicle is causing them to lose money.
Mr. Garrison: Yeah, well that was the point, dingleberry!
- Permalink: The airlines are in desperate trouble. Your vehicle is causing t...
I never realized Ben had TPS but I definately see the resemblence now.
- Permalink: I never realized Ben had TPS but I definately see the resemblenc...
(Mr. Garrison walks out of a shower with a towel around him. The military barges into the room.)
Military official: Get it!
Mr. Garrison: What the...? (gets pinned to the wall as his towel is taken off)
Military official: Throw it down!
Mr. Garrison: Oh, alright! Have your way with me if you must... Go on, fulfill your sick pleasures!
(The military destroys the towel and leaves.)
Military official: Alright, lets go!
Mr. Garrison: Where are you going?
- Permalink: Get it! What the...? Throw it down! Oh, alright! Have you...