Cartman: Wait a minute, why the hell does he get an A-?
Mr. Garrison: Eric, Stanley just might lead our team to victory against the Middle Park Cowboys for the first time in decades. And we treat star athletes better 'cause they're better people.

• Permalink: Wait a minute, why the hell does he get an A-? Eric, Stanley j...
• Added: February 08, 2010

Chef: What's the matter Stan, you seem down.
Stan: I just, I can't concentrate because my dog is gay.
Chef: Well, you know what they say. You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks.
Mr. Garrison: Oh, stop filling his head with that queer-loving propaganda.
Chef: Say what? You of all people should be sympathetic.
Mr. Garrison: What do you mean?
Chef: Well, you're gay aren't you?
Mr. Garrison: What? What the hell are you talking about? I am not gay.
Chef: Well, you sure do act like it.
Mr. Garrison: I just act that way to get chicks, dumb ass.

• Permalink: What's the matter Stan, you seem down. I just, I can't concent...
• Added: February 08, 2010

Mr. Garrison: I'm just sorry I ruined everyone's chances to be on TV.
Kyle: Not Cartman, he gets to be on TV anyway!
Mr. Garrison: Really? On what?
Geraldo: Obesity, anaposity, corpulence. Whatever word you use, it still represents one thing. Being a big fat ass. We have now, live via satellite, Eric Cartman, who is now so obese he can't even leave his bedroom.
Cartman: When is this gonna be on the air?
Geraldo: Do you have anything to say to the viewers at home?
Cartman: Follow your dreams. You can achieve your goals; I'm living proof. Beefcake. Beefcake!!

• Permalink: I'm just sorry I ruined everyone's chances to be on TV. Not Ca...
• Added: February 08, 2010

Mr. Garrison: Thanks. Hello Officer Barbrady.
Officer Barbrady: Nice gun.
Mr. Garrison: Thanks. Is there somewhere in town where I can get a good clear shot- er, view of Kathie Lee?
Officer Barbrady: You know, I think the book depository would be a good bet.

• Permalink: Thanks. Hello Officer Barbrady. Nice gun. Thanks. Is there s...
• Added: February 08, 2010

Kyle: Mr. Garrison, I HAVE to be excused!
Mr. Garrison: Oh, I don't know, Kyle... Did you ask Mr. Hat?
Kyle: I don't wanna ask Mr. Hat; I'm asking YOU!
Mr. Garrison: Oh, I think you should ask Mr. Hat...
Kyle: Mr. Hat, may I please be excused from class?
Mr. Garrison: (as Mr. Hat) Well, Kyle... NO!!! You hear me?! You go to hell! You go to hell and you die! (as himself) Well, I guess you'll have to take your seat, Kyle.
Kyle: Damn it!

• Permalink: Mr. Garrison, I HAVE to be excused! Oh, I don't know, Kyle... ...
• Added: February 08, 2010