Andy: What is the glue that holds your relationship together?
Nancy: I don't even need the choices on this one. I'm gonna say Elmer's.

I screwed up my kids.

Nancy: I think I'm happy for you.
Andy: I think I'm happy for you, too.

Be the baby!

Nancy: Why is the bed moving?
Andy: There must be an earthquake.
Nancy: Are you jerking off?!?

Esteban: Our son will be baptized by a priest in a church
Nancy: Sorry, he's Jewish. Snip, snip. Eat fish. Start saving for law school

Pilar: Do you know why I've never had children?
Nancy: Because you'd eat them and children are super fattening?

Andy: Esteban seems like the type to just throw you on the table and f-ck you.
Nancy: That works, too.
Andy: See, we'd never have worked. I'm not rape-y enough for you.

Andy, on his sexual technique: The key is to focus on where the sidewalk ends.
Nancy: I know. I'm a girl.

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