Lionel Hutz: First, some ground rules: Number one, we get bathroom breaks every half-hour.
Devil Flanders: Agreed! Number two, the jury will be chosen by me!
Lionel Hutz: Agreed. No, wait--
Devil Flanders: Silence! I give you the Jury of the Damned! Benedict Arnold, Lizzie Borden, Richard Nixon--
Nixon: But I'm not dead yet! In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook.
Devil Flanders: Hey, listen; I did a favor for you!
Nixon: Yes, master.
Devil Flanders: John Wilkes Booth, Blackbeard the Pirate, John Dillinger, the starting line-up of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers!
Simpsons: Ahh!

Homer: Hey, Flanders! You smell like manure!
Ned Flanders: Uh oh...better cancel that dinner party tonight! Thanks for the nose news neighbor.

Marge: Bart... I'm going to get you..... some ice cream at the store since I'm saving so much money on Diet Cola!
Ned: Say your prayers, Simpson... Because the schools can't force you like they should!... Maude, these new finger razors make hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church!
Edna: You're going to be my murder victim... BART! In our school production of Lizzy Borden, starring Martin Prince as Lizzy!
Martin: Forty whacks with a wet noodle, Bart!

Bart: Oh boy! Free trading cards!
Milhouse: Wow! Joseph of Arimathea! 26 conversions in A.D. 46.
Nelson: Whoa, a Methuselah rookie card!
Flanders: (chuckles) Well boys, who'd have thought learning about religion could be fun?
Bart: Religion?
Milhouse: Learning?
Nelson: Let's get out of here!

Ned: Homer, do you think you could show just the slightest bit of reverence?
Homer: Ned, I'm an American tourist. I'm just here to see some sights, try some goofy new foods, and spread some sheckles my with my Carolina Panthers credit card. Go Panthers!

Ned: Our bible study group is going to the holy land next month. I'd like to take you and your family along as my guests.
Homer: Hmm, let me think. Take my family to a war zone on a bus filled with religious lameos in a country with no pork in a desert with no casinos. Where do I sign up?
Marge: Homer, I can hear your sarcasm from inside the house and the dishwasher is on.

Reverend Lovejoy: God has never given up on anyone
Ned: What about Sodom and Gomorrah?
Reverend Lovejoy: He lovingly destroyed them.

Ned: Now let us download the holy tweet of the Lord.
Agnes: Stop making this relatable!
Jimbo: Hey, as a youth if I don't hear a computer word every couple sentences, I am out of here.

Watch Fox and be damned for all eternity.

Ned: Now Marge don't you worry, we've all had our brushes with the law.
Cop: Are you Ed Flanders?
Ned: No, Ned Flanders.
Cop: My mistake.

Song: Hens Love Roosters
Geese Love Ganders
Everyone else loves Ned Flanders
Homer: Not me!
Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!
Ned: Knock that off you two it's time for church!
Rod: We're not going to church today!
Ned: What? You give me one good reason!
Todd: It's Saturday.
Ned: Oakily doakily-doo!
Song: Hens Love Roosters
Geese Love Ganders
Everyone else loves Ned Flanders

If you think I'm cuddly and you want my company, come on wifey let me know!

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.