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Ned: If you need anything just give a whistle.
Homer: I could use a TV tray.
Ned: Well, gee...
Ned: Uh, I just this minute bought it at the hardware...
Homer: You said "anything".
Ned: Heh, sure, you can borrow it for...a little while.
Homer: And that little while is now eight years and counting.
- Permalink: If you need anything just give a whistle. I could use a TV tra...
Ned: Suppertime, boys!
Rod: Oh boy! Liver!
Todd: Iron helps us play!
- Permalink: Suppertime, boys! Oh boy! Liver! Iron helps us play!
(holding baby Lisa) Hi-dee-ho, Simpson. Your son shoved this through our doggy door. And since we're returning your second-born, do you think you could see your way to returning my TV tr--
(Homer takes Lisa and slams the door in Flanders' face)
- Permalink: Hi-dee-ho, Simpson. Your son shoved this through our doggy door....
Homer: Flanders, I thought I was your plow man?
Ned: Uh Homer, why don't you plow it again?
Homer: Forget it, pal. I don't need your phoney baloney job. I'll take your money, but I'm not gonna plow your driveway!
- Permalink: Flanders, I thought I was your plow man? Uh Homer, why don't y...
Zombie Flanders: Hey Simpson! I'm feeling a mite peckish. (Evilly) Mind if I chew your ear?
(Homer shoots Ned and the others gasp.)
Bart: Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
Homer: (Surprised) He was a zombie!?
- Permalink: Hey Simpson! I'm feeling a mite peckish. Mind if I chew your ea...
Principal Skinner: But first, our second prize winner and the recipient of this handsome shoe buffer... Ned Flanders.
Homer: Oh it's no fair, we'll never have a buffer!
Marge: We have one at home, you never use it.
Homer: Well, I want that one!
- Permalink: But first, our second prize winner and the recipient of this han...
Ned: Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
Reverend Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and
neighbors when they came to your aid, be they Christian (Ned), Jew (Krusty), or ... miscellaneous (Apu).
Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Reverend Lovejoy: Aw, that's super.
- Permalink: Homer, God didn't set your house on fire. No, but He was worki...
Ned: I'm talking about your potty-mouth.
Homer: What the hell are you talking about?
- Permalink: I'm talking about your potty-mouth. What the hell are you talk...
Ned: I just wish you wouldn't curse in front of my boys!
Homer: Oh, come on, now, Flanders! I don't complain about yourmoustache!
Ned: What's wrong with my moustache?
Homer: It makes you look like you've got something to hide.
Homer: People are talking. Lots of people.
Ned: Okay, mister. You've got yourself a deal. I'll shave off the soup strainer if you give the sailor talk the ol' heave-ho. Okay?
Homer: Aye aye! Admiral Butthead.
- Permalink: I just wish you wouldn't curse in front of my boys! Oh, come o...
Ned: Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables.
Lovejoy: Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it, asparagus?
Ned: No, Reverend, the point is, he said a bad word!
Lovejoy: Oh, right, yeah. Well, kids usually pick these things stuff up from someplace. Find out who's doing it anddirect them to the Bible.
Ned: Where in the Bible?
Lovejoy: UhPage 900.
Ned: But Rev-- (Lovejoy hangs up)
Lovejoy: Damn Flanders.
- Permalink: Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizz...
Ned: Is this all he watches?
Maude: Well, he used to watch Davey and Goliath, but he thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous.
- Permalink: Is this all he watches? Well, he used to watch Davey and Golia...
Maude: Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?
Todd: Hell no.
Maude: What did you say?
Todd: I said I don't want any damn vegetables.
Ned: Alright, that is it young man. No bible stories for you tonight.
(Todd runs to his room crying)
Maude: Weren't you a little hard on him?
Ned: Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.
- Permalink: Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables? Hell no. What ...