Favorite Ned Quotes
Ned: Of course you did. Everything we do is a choice: oatmeal or cereal, highway or side street, kiss her or keep her. We make choices and we live with the consequences. If someone gets hurt along the way we ask for forgiveness. It's the best anyone can do
Emerson: Sounds like you're a narcoleptic.
Ned: I suffer from uncontrollable types of deep sleep?
Emerson: What's the other one?
Ned: "Acrophiliac".
Emerson: Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head.
Olive: Me, too. I used to think "masturbation" meant chewing your food. (awkward silence) I don't think that anymore
Chuck: Shotgun!
Ned: Chuck!
Chuck: I hate the back.
Ned: Dead. Again. Forever.
Ned: I asked you not to use the word "zombie." It's disrespectful. Stumbling around squawking for brains? It's not how they do. And "undead"? Nobody wants to be "un"-anything. Why begin a statement with a negative? It's like saying "I don't disagree." Just say you agree.
Emerson: Are you comfortable with "living dead"?
Ned: You're either living or your dead. When you're living, you're alive. When you're dead, that's what you are. But when you're dead and then you're not, you're alive again. Can't we say "alive again"?
Do you ever shiver when you pee? That's how I felt when he spoke.
Ned: This is pushing your luck.
Chuck: Yeah, well, luck pushed me first
Emerson: You don't know nothing about about her, except she had soft lips when she was 10.
Ned: That should be enough.
I made a choice and I'd do it again. I let Lawrence Schatz die and if i was faced with that choice right now I would make the same choice. You could put me in a loop and I'd make the same choice every time, that's how confident I am that it was the right choice for me to make. I'm sorry if that makes me a bad person, but... I'm not sorry that you're alive.
We're not lost. We're following the yellow thick hose.
Ned: What if you didn't have to be dead?
Chuck: That would be preferable.
Emerson: (panicking) Can't this car go any faster?!
Chuck: Some car of the future this is!
Ned: I thought cars of the future were supposed to fly! What the hell happened to flying cars
Emerson: Lawrence Schatz wasn't murdered. He was accidentally, involuntarily manslaughtered.
Ned: I appreciate that.
