I could have been swarmed in my underwear.

Chuck: Don't offend the bees.
Ned: How would I offend the bees?

Emerson: I'm a father.
Ned: As in a priest?
Emerson: As in a man... with a daughter.

Ned: But do you hate me?
Chuck: I have to hate you a little, just for a little while. But I can’t do that if you stay
Ned: I don’t want you to hate me, I’ll stay.
Chuck: If you stay, I’ll just end up hating you more. Just go.

Coroner: My niece gave me this sweater.
Emerson: That thing’s uglier then a chipmunk’s ass.
Ned: He means the sweater, not your niece.

Ned: Do you know you have a "tell" when you lie?
Olive: Do I?
Ned: You answer questions with questions.
Olive: Maybe I know I have a tell and I know you know I have a tell and maybe I'm doing it now to confuse you because you don't know what tell I'm telling.

You don't have to do this, Madeleine. Please put the gun and the bat down. Or definitely the gun.

Candy might be sweet, but it's a traveling carnival blowing through town. Pie is home. People always come home.

Chuck: Guess what day it is today.
Ned: World Hello Day.
Chuck: Oh, you finally put up my calendar of obscure holidays.
Ned: Yes, and Hola!

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