I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

It smells like leather and Teddy Roosevelt and wistfulness.

Schmidt: Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called "the slippery germ brick"?
Nick: Yeah, I probably would actually.

Where are you guys? Could I have walked out to the mountains? When does a hill become a mountain? I'm so cold!

Skylar: Do you know how to make drinks?
Nick: Do I know how to make drinks?
Skylar: Yeah, like alcoholic drinks?
Nick: Yeah, I do that professionally.
Skylar: You could get me drunk professionally?

Nick: Schmidt...I need you to teach me to be a douchebag
Schmidt: Let's get started.
Winston: What is happening in the world?

I want to kill you...because I respect you. I think I understanding hunting!

Jess: Nick put on some pants or at least some really high socks.
Nick: Really high socks it is then!

Sandwiches and sex!? I want that!

Caroline is way hotter than that voice in my head who sounds like Tom Waits and tells me I look bad in hats.

Jess: You've always wanted a thing, so maybe this is your thing. The guy with no phone.
Nick: But who is that guy!?

Sure, I could get a girl drunk and topless with only some crushed ice, a hollowed out papaya, and two fingers of rum. But then I grew up, and now I only want to make a drink that a coal miner would want. Straightforward, honest. Something that says, "I work in a hole".

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Jess