Nick Miller Quotes
If I had a dollar for every person I couldn't hang out with because they hate Schmidt, I'd be rich. Like fill my gas tank up all the way rich.
Nick: You can't separate your feelings from sex? So what? You're a girl!
Jess: I deserve to have a shorty on the side!
Jess: I don't want to kiss and tell, but I ruined my dresser during intercourse. Will you go to Ikea with me?
Nick: Yeah, sure. I'm not doing anything today.
Winston: You, my friend, have become her fluffer.
Nick: Like in porn?
Winston: Her emotional fluffer!
Jess: I had the best sex of my life last night.
Nick: Oh so that was you? I thought it was a couple bums fighting.
Jess: It wasn't. It was me. Having sex. I left my body, went up to heaven, saw my grandparents, thought it was weird that I saw my grandparents, came back down. I became a werewolf, I scared some teenagers. I came back into my body. Only thing is, he thinks my name is Katie and that I'm a dancer and/or something involving puppets.
Nick: Let's just say, we live in a world where time exists. If that's the case-
Schmidt: 1. Marie Antoinette. 2 Cleopatra 3. Young Ann Margret 4. Old Ann Margret -
Nick: Would you shut up, you clown!
Old Nick: Can I tell you something?
Nick: Not really.
Old Nick: I'm you, from the future.
Nick: Well, that's a first.
Jess: I got laid off.
Nick: Are you serious?
Sure, I could get a girl drunk and topless with only some crushed ice, a hollowed out papaya, and two fingers of rum. But then I grew up, and now I only want to make a drink that a coal miner would want. Straightforward, honest. Something that says, "I work in a hole".
Caroline is way hotter than that voice in my head who sounds like Tom Waits and tells me I look bad in hats.
Sandwiches and sex!? I want that!
Jess: Nick put on some pants or at least some really high socks.
Nick: Really high socks it is then!