Nick: I'm very focused.
Schmidt: You're not even looking at me right now.
Nick: I though I saw something shiny.

On a plus side, I'm being very witty during this fight.

They're just boobs!

When I first grew boobs people started handing me stuff and I got messy, but then you gotta grow up.

Make up an excuse and get out of jury duty. Jess, please, I need you.

You son of a bitch, I love you!

Everything you just said makes me want to give you a wedgie in front of the others.

I found an ant farm filled with candy wrappers, is this essential?

Coach: I need you to get harder Nick. Can you get harder for me?
Nick: What?
Coach: Do you need me to get hard with you?
Nick: I feel like you're not meaning to say what you're saying.
Coach: I'm talking about cleaning up.

Nick: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can't get rid of it.
Coach: It's not and you have to.
Schmidt: Everything you own is trash.
Coach: You're basically a hoarder.
Nick: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.

If you died, I'd be lost!

I’m not putting on the kimono. It legitimizes you owning it.

New Girl Quotes

You know what they call Seattle in Portland? North Portland. Or Vancouver's shoe.

Jess

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick