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New-girl

Nick: I'm gonna have to turn off the tap!
Jess: What tap?
Nick: The sex tap!
Jess: But I need my vitamin D!

Jess: So Nick doesn't have a traditional career.
Nick: Or is it the MOST traditional career? Or am I thinking of prostitution?

So I have good news from the doctor--you don't have rabies. You have giardia, and something called "Legionnaires disease."

I should have known those beets weren't from nature. Nothing purple comes from nature.

The eyeball fell off, that's how you know it's good!

Guys, we've gone soft! With our antibiotics and our sports creams!

Winston: Friends don't call friends pathetic.
Nick: But what do friends do when the other friend is taking a shower with a cat?

Nick: What the hell are you doing?
Coach: Making island beats.

Are you okay to drive? You've got crazy eyes!

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