They're just boobs!

When I first grew boobs people started handing me stuff and I got messy, but then you gotta grow up.

Make up an excuse and get out of jury duty. Jess, please, I need you.

You son of a bitch, I love you!

Everything you just said makes me want to give you a wedgie in front of the others.

I found an ant farm filled with candy wrappers, is this essential?

Coach: I need you to get harder Nick. Can you get harder for me?
Nick: What?
Coach: Do you need me to get hard with you?
Nick: I feel like you're not meaning to say what you're saying.
Coach: I'm talking about cleaning up.

Nick: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can't get rid of it.
Coach: It's not and you have to.
Schmidt: Everything you own is trash.
Coach: You're basically a hoarder.
Nick: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.

If you died, I'd be lost!

I’m not putting on the kimono. It legitimizes you owning it.

I once tried on my girl cousin’s wool tights and I didn’t hate how it felt.

I'm a very good secretary

New Girl Quotes

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt