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New-girl

Nick: I'm gonna have to turn off the tap!
Jess: What tap?
Nick: The sex tap!
Jess: But I need my vitamin D!

Jess: So Nick doesn't have a traditional career.
Nick: Or is it the MOST traditional career? Or am I thinking of prostitution?

So I have good news from the doctor--you don't have rabies. You have giardia, and something called "Legionnaires disease."

I should have known those beets weren't from nature. Nothing purple comes from nature.

The eyeball fell off, that's how you know it's good!

Guys, we've gone soft! With our antibiotics and our sports creams!

Winston: Friends don't call friends pathetic.
Nick: But what do friends do when the other friend is taking a shower with a cat?

Nick: What the hell are you doing?
Coach: Making island beats.

Are you okay to drive? You've got crazy eyes!

Coach: His jeans are so small.
Nick: Looks like a puppet, like something an Italian whittled

He lost five pounds, he gained confidence with women, and he saw the movie "Multiplicity" 25 times.

I stole that from Nelson Mandela. I added the part about the Penguin and the Riddler.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 124 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach
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