Mr. Day: What's she like?
Nick: She's not quirky. She has no bangs.

Sometimes I just sit in the stall and listen to you guys.

Schmidt: A tuxedo is different from a suit.
Nick: It is??!!

Nick: Schmidt, I have to ask you a favor. It's about my clothes.
Schmidt: Burn them! Burn them all!

I'm just trying to figure out the level of Elvis impersonator we can afford. I think a white one is out of reach.

Jess: I didn't really know your dad, except for that one hour when I committed fraud with him.
Nick: That's all there is to know.

Jess: This is where Nick Miller grew up.
Nick: Except for the fall of '88 and the spring of '89--that was our "van year."

Winston: I'm gonna be strong for you, man. You know, I really did love Walt.
Nick: He was my dad, Winston.
Winston: Yeah, but he loved me more than he loved you. He told me that.
Nick: Yeah, he told me that too, actually.

I feel like Russell Crowe in every movie he's ever done.

I know this isn't gonna end well, but the middle part is gonna be awesome.

Schmidt, that is melon-flavored liquer!That is 4-proof! That is safe to drink while you're pregnant!

They threw in something called 'septic enzymes,' which I don't know what they are but you are definitely not supposed to get them in your eyes.

New Girl Quotes

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt