South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralOfficer Barbrady Quotes
Mayor: Officer Barbrady, let's pretend for one second that we had a competent law enforcer in this town. What would he do?
Officer Barbrady: Hmmm. That's a good question, Mayor. Let me get right on that, with thinking.
Mephesto Actor: I'd like to announce who the father of Eric Cartman is...
Director: (on megaphone) Bang!
Mephesto Actor: Oh! I've been shot! (falls over)
Barbrady Actor: Nobody move! I'm a law officer!
Chef Actor: My God, I think he's gone into cardiac arrest!
Barbrady Actor: You seem somewhat unnerved by this, Chef...
Chef Actor: Are you accusing me, Barbrady? Because if you are accusing me, don't hide behind your clever riddles!
Barbrady Actor: Our differences must be set aside for now, Mr. Chef. I'm simply a man; a man trying to do my job.
Officer Barbrady: Wow, this is a good movie!
Dr. Mephisto: Let's just hope the press doesn't get wind of this right away.
(door opens and press comes)
Officer Barbrady: Stand back, people, there's nothing to see here!
Press guy: What about the prehistoric ice man?
Officer Barbrady: Oh, yeah, there is that!
Mr. Tweek: What can I get for you, Officer Barbrady?
Barbrady: Oh, just the usual.
(Mr. Tweek hits Barbrady in the face with a cat)
Barbrady: Thanks! See you tomorrow!
Missing people usually turn up hiding in someones bushes.
Officer Barbrady: Young man, you can't just go around declaring shenanigans on innocent people; that's how wars get started!
Stan: Sorry, Officer Buttbaby
Officer Barbrady: Barbrady!
Stan: Oh, I'm sorry. What did I say?
Officer Barbrady: You said "Buttbaby"!
(The boys laugh.)
Move along people, there's nothing to see here.
Mayor McDaniels: Well, how's the reading coming along?
Officer Barbrady: (wringing his hands) Oooh, pretty good.
Mayor McDaniels: Barbrady, we really need you to speed this up. The Chickenf(beep)ker struck again last night.
Kyle: Oh no!
Officer Barbrady: Ah mayor, please, when we're around children we prefer to call him the Chickenlover.
Officer Barbrady: Yes, at first I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical, but then I read this: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of this garbage, and because of this piece of s**t, I am never reading again.
Mr. Garrison: Yes officer, what is it?
Officer Barbrady: I need to go poopy.
Mr. Garrison: Officer Barbrady, we go to the bathroom before and after class.
Officer Barbrady: Aw Christ! How do you kids do it?
Cartman: HA! (whacks the Bookmobile driver)
Bookmobile driver: Ow, that hurt!
Stan: Whoa dude! Cartman!
Officer Barbrady: No, that is not how you uphold the law!
Cartman: But he is not listening to my authoritah!
Officer Barbrady: Oh, you're doing it all wrong my little friend. You do it like this. (whacks the bookmobile driver in the head) You gotta get them in the head; they go down quicker.
Voice Box: May I help you?
Officer Barbrady: I'll have two cheeseburgers and some jalapeno poppers.
Voice Box: There's just one problem: we're a bank.
