South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralOfficer Barbrady Quotes
(on being told the "fast-food restaraunt" is actually a bank)
Officer Barbrady: Well I know that! What do you think I am? Stupid?
Teller: Yep.
Teedle... the.. timid.. taxidermist... loved to go to the.... Oh goddamn, reading is lame!
Bookmobile Driver: How did you know I would strike here?
Officer Barbrady: By reading Teetle the Timid Taxidermist.
Bookmobile Driver: You did?! Really?! Then it worked! My whole plan worked absolutely perfectly!
Stan: What are you talking about, dude?
Bookmobile Driver: When I heard that Officer Barbrady couldn't read, I knew I had to motivate him somehow. So I formulated a plan to encourage him to learn the magic of reading!
Kyle: So you f**ked a bunch of chickens?
Reporter: Has chicken f(bleep)er left any clues at the crime
Officer Barbrady: All right, I admit it! I can't read! Are you happy now? You pushed and you pushed, and now you know my deep dark secret; I'm illegitimate!
Now move along, or I'll be forced to execute every one of you by gunshot to the head.
Keep your eyes peeled boys, someone's going to make love to this chicken any second now.
Narrator: Who is Eric Cartman's father? Is it Chief Running Water? Or is it Chef? Is it Mephesto? Or that little monkey guy that follows him around? Or is it Mr. Garrison?
Jimbo: Nope. He's gay.
Mr. Garrison: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!
Narrator: Is it Jimbo?
Jimbo: Daaagh!
Narrator: Or is it Officer Barbrady?
Officer Barbrady: Huh?! Where?!
Narrator: Or could it be Ned?
Ned: Could be.
Narrator: Or Mr. Broflovski??
Kyle: Dad, how could you?!
Narrator: Or is it the 1991 Denver Broncos? The answer is coming on an all-new South Park, in just four weeks.
Cartman: What?! Son of a bitch!!
Officer Barbrady: Shouldn't you kids be in school?
Stan: It's Saturday.
Officer Barbrady: No excuses! Now move along, you little trouble makers!
Officer Barbrady: What seems to be the problem?
Barbra Streisand: Problem? No problem, officer... I was just introducing myself to these fine young boys.
Cartman: Nuh-uh! She was being a total bitch!
Kyle: Officer Barbrady!
Officer Barbrady: What?
Kyle: Is it illegal for Jewish people to eat Christmas snow?
Officer Barbrady: Yes.
Mr. Garrison: Thanks. Hello Officer Barbrady.
Officer Barbrady: Nice gun.
Mr. Garrison: Thanks. Is there somewhere in town where I can get a good clear shot- er, view of Kathie Lee?
Officer Barbrady: You know, I think the book depository would be a good bet.
Officer Barbrady: This is nothing out of the unusual. Cows turn themselves inside out all the time.
Farmer: People's been saying they've been seeing UFO's around.
Officer Barbrady: UFO's? Ha.
Farmer: Yeah, and black army, CIA helicopters and trucks.
Officer Barbrady: That is the silliest thing I've ever heard. (black helicopters fly overhead)
Farmer: What was that?
Officer Barbrady: That? That was a pigeon.
