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Oscar: Yesterday I was talking to a lizard and it turned into Elizabeth Taylor.
George Sr.: Young Elizabeth Taylor?

George Sr.: I always talk about being a great man. Maybe the way to do that isn't by being the biggest businessman in Southern California. It's by...
Oscar: It's by being the best brother in Southern California.

George: Well, I don't think the Home Builder's Organization is gonna be supporting us.
Michael: Yeah, the HBO is not gonna want us. What are we gonna do now?
Oscar: Well, I think it's Showtime.

(in prison) I'm innocent, Michael. I'm Oscar! Dot com.

(Oscar pleading to Michael while in prison)
Oscar: I'm your uncle. I'm your dad's twin brother. I'm Oscar, he switched on me! No one believes me.
Narrator: Unfortunately, for Oscar, "You've got the wrong twin" was a popular alibi.
(Cut to Oscar being dragged into the police station handcuffed)
Man in Handcuffs: You simply got the wrong twin.
Arrested Twin #1: We're quadruplets, you got the wrong two!
Arrested Twin #2: We're Larry and Dave!
Arrested Twin #1: You want Curtis and Jack!

Oscar: I even started a website: I'm Oscar dot com. I'm innocent, Michael! I'm Oscar! Dot com!
Michael: No, no, don't buy it. I'm taking my son to the cabin, and there's nothing you can say to make me believe that you are not my father.
Oscar: I understand. Your child comes first.
Michael: Oh, my god, you're Oscar.
Oscar: Dot com.

(about his hair) Why won't it grow back!?

Lucille: How's my son?
Doctor: He's going to be all right.
Lindsay Funke: Finally some good news from this guy.
George Michael Bluth: There's no other way to take that.
Doctor: That's a great attitude. I got to tell you, if I was getting this news, I don't know that I'd take it this well.
Lucille: But you said he was all right.
Doctor: Yes, he's lost his left hand. So he's going to be "all right."
Lucille: [Jumping on the doctor] You son of a bitch! I hate this doctor!

I think we're going to need a new floating thermometer. And can I have your Blue Cross number?

Oscar: The question is, which way do I try to get it in her?
Michael: I don't need any details.
Oscar: Maybe, I'll put it in her brownie.
Michael: Hey!

Oscar: God willing, he'll fail boot camp.
Michael: Well, why wouldn't he? He already failed day camp.

Buster: Are you guys planning a party?
Oscar: Yes. It's your father's birthday, which coincidentally is my birthday.
Buster: Because you're twins.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 14 in total

Arrested Development Quotes

(holding stuffed animals) These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called Hero Squad.

Buster

Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies.

Mrs. Featherbottom