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Look it doesn't take a genius to know that every organization thrives when it has two leaders. [shakes head] Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be, without the popes.

Michael: I'm going in for a procedure today.
Oscar: Is everything ok?
Michael: Yeah. It's routine. I'm just a little bit scared.
Oscar: I'm sure everything will be fine. What's the procedure if you don't mind my asking?
Michael: It is a colonoscopy.
Oscar: Okay.
Michael: In your experience, what should I be expecting, in terms of sensation. Or, emotions. [pause] Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr. Shandri? My main concern is should I have a safe word?
Oscar: Yeah. [leaves]

Andy: Did you hear the rumor about me? That I'm gay?
Oscar: I did.
Andy: Do you think it's true?
Oscar: Are you attracted to other men?
Andy: No. But let me give you a scenario. I'm at a beach cabana. Brad Pitt comes up and tries to kiss me. I would definitely resist at first, but if he was persistent, I would probably give in a little bit, depending on how persistent he was ...
Oscar: If Brad Pitt tried to kiss you and you resisted, he would still have to get to you?
Andy: It's just a scenario.

Meredith: Maybe we shouldn't play due to the circumstances.
Dwight: Hey, people need volleyball now more than ever.
Pam: How do you figure?
Dwight: Because if we don't play, then the other team wins.
Oscar: Dwight's right. Corporate deserves to get its ass kicked.
Pam: Let's do this.

Andy: Yeah! I love the vibe down here.
Erin: Ashley! You made it!
Oscar: You invited someone?
Erin: Oh, yeah. Was I not allowed to do that?
Oscar: I've been here 8 years and I've never... [Erin walks away] Rude.

Oscar: What happened to Phyllis?
Michael: Oh, you know. Nohting. She's - we were hanging out at Cafe Disco and she had a flare up of am existing injury. But she's a tough, old bird. So...
Angela: Can you please go back to work instead of masterminding these situations were in we hurt ourselves?
Michael: Ok. Phyllis did injure herself. But she injured herself having fun and I don't think she would trade that memory for anything.

Michael: I've taken my downstairs office and I have turned it into a place to hang out. A place where unattractive and attractive people can get together. To meet. To greet. To see the ones that you love. To love the ones that you see.
Oscar: Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you?
Michael: Why don't you get over lunch, Oscar? Everybody else is past it.

Toby: Hey, Meredith. Can I talk to you privately for a second?
Meredith: About what?
Toby: Your outfit.
Meredith: What? What's wrong with my outfit?
Toby: You ... might consider pulling it down a touch. It's ... it's riding up a little high.
Meredith: A bunch of prudes. You know, Oscar's allowed to wear sandals, but I'm not allowed to wear open-toed shoes? [pulls down dress, office gasps] Is that how it goes?
Oscar: Meredith, your boob is out.
Meredith: Fine. [pulls dress up, everyone gasps again]
Angela: Meredith, too far!
Kelly: Dammit, Meredith, where are your panties?
Meredith: It's casual day. Happy?

Oscar: I'm sorry you're offended by my shoes, but I am not going to drive home to change.
Toby: I could loan you a pair of socks.
Oscar: No.
Toby: No, they're clean. I was going to wear them to volleyball practice later.
Oscar: I don't think so.

Michael: Oscar, what were you going to say?
Oscar: Nothing. I didn't say anything.
Michael: All right.
Erin: Do I still have a job here?
Michael: Not important. Okay, alright. Yes. Yes, you have a job. Frankly, you have a job because Ryan and Pam are starting with us as salesmen.
Dwight: Wait, what?
Stanley: How is that going to work?
Michael: It's going to work very smoothly, because Pam and Ryan are bringing over a ton of clients from Michael Scott Paper Company and--
Phyllis: You mean the clients you stole from us.
Dwight: Yeah, aren't we getting those clients back?
Michael: No, you lost those clients.
Andy: I call foul, sir.
Michael: Okay.

Jim: Hey dude, you know what a "rundown" is?
Oscar: Use it in a sentence.
Jim: "Uh, can you get this rundown for me?"
Oscar: Try another sentence.
Jim: "This rundown better be really good"?
Oscar: I don't know but it sounds like the rundown is really important.
Jim: Charles asked me to do this rundown of all my clients.
Oscar: Why don't you just ask him-
Jim: No. I can't. It was like, hours ago.
Oscar: What have you been doing?
Kevin: Try it in another sentence.

And just like that. As mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 126 in total

The Office Quotes

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.

Dwight

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael