Look it doesn't take a genius to know that every organization thrives when it has two leaders. [shakes head] Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be, without the popes.

Michael: I'm going in for a procedure today.
Oscar: Is everything ok?
Michael: Yeah. It's routine. I'm just a little bit scared.
Oscar: I'm sure everything will be fine. What's the procedure if you don't mind my asking?
Michael: It is a colonoscopy.
Oscar: Okay.
Michael: In your experience, what should I be expecting, in terms of sensation. Or, emotions. [pause] Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr. Shandri? My main concern is should I have a safe word?
Oscar: Yeah. [leaves]

Andy: Did you hear the rumor about me? That I'm gay?
Oscar: I did.
Andy: Do you think it's true?
Oscar: Are you attracted to other men?
Andy: No. But let me give you a scenario. I'm at a beach cabana. Brad Pitt comes up and tries to kiss me. I would definitely resist at first, but if he was persistent, I would probably give in a little bit, depending on how persistent he was ...
Oscar: If Brad Pitt tried to kiss you and you resisted, he would still have to get to you?
Andy: It's just a scenario.

Meredith: Maybe we shouldn't play due to the circumstances.
Dwight: Hey, people need volleyball now more than ever.
Pam: How do you figure?
Dwight: Because if we don't play, then the other team wins.
Oscar: Dwight's right. Corporate deserves to get its ass kicked.
Pam: Let's do this.

Andy: Yeah! I love the vibe down here.
Erin: Ashley! You made it!
Oscar: You invited someone?
Erin: Oh, yeah. Was I not allowed to do that?
Oscar: I've been here 8 years and I've never... [Erin walks away] Rude.

Oscar: What happened to Phyllis?
Michael: Oh, you know. Nohting. She's - we were hanging out at Cafe Disco and she had a flare up of am existing injury. But she's a tough, old bird. So...
Angela: Can you please go back to work instead of masterminding these situations were in we hurt ourselves?
Michael: Ok. Phyllis did injure herself. But she injured herself having fun and I don't think she would trade that memory for anything.

Michael: I've taken my downstairs office and I have turned it into a place to hang out. A place where unattractive and attractive people can get together. To meet. To greet. To see the ones that you love. To love the ones that you see.
Oscar: Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you?
Michael: Why don't you get over lunch, Oscar? Everybody else is past it.

Toby: Hey, Meredith. Can I talk to you privately for a second?
Meredith: About what?
Toby: Your outfit.
Meredith: What? What's wrong with my outfit?
Toby: You ... might consider pulling it down a touch. It's ... it's riding up a little high.
Meredith: A bunch of prudes. You know, Oscar's allowed to wear sandals, but I'm not allowed to wear open-toed shoes? [pulls down dress, office gasps] Is that how it goes?
Oscar: Meredith, your boob is out.
Meredith: Fine. [pulls dress up, everyone gasps again]
Angela: Meredith, too far!
Kelly: Dammit, Meredith, where are your panties?
Meredith: It's casual day. Happy?

Oscar: I'm sorry you're offended by my shoes, but I am not going to drive home to change.
Toby: I could loan you a pair of socks.
Oscar: No.
Toby: No, they're clean. I was going to wear them to volleyball practice later.
Oscar: I don't think so.

Michael: Oscar, what were you going to say?
Oscar: Nothing. I didn't say anything.
Michael: All right.
Erin: Do I still have a job here?
Michael: Not important. Okay, alright. Yes. Yes, you have a job. Frankly, you have a job because Ryan and Pam are starting with us as salesmen.
Dwight: Wait, what?
Stanley: How is that going to work?
Michael: It's going to work very smoothly, because Pam and Ryan are bringing over a ton of clients from Michael Scott Paper Company and--
Phyllis: You mean the clients you stole from us.
Dwight: Yeah, aren't we getting those clients back?
Michael: No, you lost those clients.
Andy: I call foul, sir.
Michael: Okay.

Jim: Hey dude, you know what a "rundown" is?
Oscar: Use it in a sentence.
Jim: "Uh, can you get this rundown for me?"
Oscar: Try another sentence.
Jim: "This rundown better be really good"?
Oscar: I don't know but it sounds like the rundown is really important.
Jim: Charles asked me to do this rundown of all my clients.
Oscar: Why don't you just ask him-
Jim: No. I can't. It was like, hours ago.
Oscar: What have you been doing?
Kevin: Try it in another sentence.

And just like that. As mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 126 in total

The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

Pam: I actually might not go. Feeling kind of tired.
Meredith: Do you wanna make appletinis and watch Sex and the City at my place?
Pam: Oh, I don't know. I haven't decided. Yet.

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