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Oscar: Most new businesses, they don't make a profit 'til at least two years. And then your margins will be razor thin. Best case scenario, you don't cut yourself a salary for at least 5 years. Can you go 5 years without a salary, Michael?
Michael: Okay.
Oscar: Five years?
Michael: Okay, hey, you already have the job. You don't have to convince me.
Oscar: It's just not prudent Michael.

Oscar: You put a note in my food?
Michael: I made it sterile.
Oscar: Just to say "sterile" doesn't make it so.
Michael: I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, Oscar. To come work for me.
Oscar: Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research, financials?
Michael: No, no no.
Oscar: You need those things.

Creed: [feeding coins into a vent] I think it's 75 cents.
Oscar: That's a lot.

I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life. Gives me hope. Maybe I will have one of own someday. [laughs] But I dream... so...

Michael: I had no idea when I got in that car and headed to New York I was going to quit. I got on that ramp and I thought two hours, two hours to go. Feeling good. Listen to some tunes. Should've peed before I left.
Kelly: Michael get to the good part.
Michael: Okay, so. I get up to the building, I get to the revolving door... broken! So I have to take the normal door.
Oscar: At least he is in the building.
Michael: No, No! I was so nervous it was the wrong building! I walked into the wrong building!

Michael: May I have your attention please. I have an announcement. Mr. Dwight Schrute and I just returned from a wonderful stroll together and although I probably will never do it again, I had fun. I really had fun with my best friend, Dwight.
Oscar: These aren't announcements.
Michael: Yes they are, you just don't care about the information.

Michael: I am just a net that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy, so -
Jim: So, well I lost a ton of money today and I have a mortgage, so I'm a little pissed too.
Michael: Thank you, Jim is with me.
Jim: Absolutely not, I'm mad at you.
Michael: Well you know what Jim? It is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.
Creed: That's not why.

Michael: Nobody panic. The good news is... they can't fire all of us, right?
Oscar: They can.
Michael: No, they can't.
Oscar: Yes, they can.
Michael: Oscar, you don't know what the hell you are talking about.
Oscar: Michael, what do you think shutting down a branch is?
Michael: Alright, then we're screwed.

Michael: Hey, Oscar. Woo hoo hoo. Um, how much of a hit is ten percent of our Blue Cross account?
Oscar: Ten percent?
Michael: Yeah?
Oscar: They're our largest client.
Michael: Yeah.
Oscar: It's gonna hurt.
Jim: [on phone] Hold on one sec. Hold on one sec, Tom, what's that? You found five golden tickets? And does it say limit one per customer? Nope, it doesn't.

Meredith: She could be your soul mate.
Dwight: Oh, not likely. Three billion women on the planet, most of them live in Asia, so the numbers just don't add up.
Oscar: It's possible.
Kelly: She could be.
Michael: Believe me its nothing. I hardly even talked to her we just, we were lying there next to each other, I think our blood bags touched.
Kelly: Aww.

Dwight: ...and the kind of discounts we're talking about are not... hold on - Michael, Why do you keep looking at the front door?
Michael: No reason.
Dwight: Is somebody after you?
Oscar: Why do you always go to that? Has anyone ever been after anyone in this office?
Dwight: Hey, it just takes one!
Michael: Nobody's after me, I just, I met a woman when I was giving blood and I thought she might come by.
Kelly: You met a woman when you were giving blood? That is so romantic.
Michael: It's not a big deal really, I just, you know met somebody, we hardly talked, I picked up her glove so I was hoping I could give it back to her.
Kelly: Oh my God, that makes it even more romantic. This is like a modern day Enchanted, it's like a fairy tale.

Oscar: [re: Andy] He made non-refundable deposits on his honeymoons, so he's just knocking them off one at a time. I think today he's hot air ballooning and later he's got a couple's massage.

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 126 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael