Angela: [on phone] Hello? Hello?Andy: What is wrong with you?
Oscar: Why won't you do Andy?
Angela: What?
Andy: That was Oscar and he wants to know why you won't do me and I think it's a valid question.
Angela: Are you drunk?
Andy: This is Andy Bernard!
Angela: I know who this is!
Andy: I wanna take you to sex school.
Angela: What?
Dwight: [on phone] Who is that, Monkey?
Andy: Is somebody there?
Angela: Are you drunk?
Andy: I have needs.
Angela: We will discuss this later.
Andy: Naked.
Angela: What?
Andy: We'll discuss it later naked. I want to see you naked.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Oscar: What do you see in her? What do you see in Angela?
Andy: What do I see in Angela?
Oscar: I want to know.
Andy: I see through a hard exterior to a little jelly in the middle. She is teaching me to be a better person. And she's working really hard on that. And she has the softest skin I've ever seen and I can't wait to have sex with her.
Oscar: You haven't had sex?
Andy: No.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Andy: You'll thank me when they spank thee.
Oscar: Don't do this...
Andy: Do you guys like apples?
Guy at table: What?
Andy: Do you like apples?
Guy at table: Uh, sorry... what?
Andy: [gives them drinks] Well, how do you like these apples? Alright, on a scale of 1-10, how hot is that dude?
Guy at table: Is he your boyfriend or something?
Andy: No, but he could be yours if you play your cards right.
Guy: Dude, leave us alone.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Andy: Alright, I've scoped out the joint. Those two dudes are as good as naked.
Oscar: How do you even know they're gay?
Andy: C'mon! It's Dandy Dale and Foppy McGee over there. Mademoiselle! Beer me dos Long Island iced teas s'ill vous plait... Bad decision in a glass.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Oscar: I'll check us in.
Michael: Alright.
Andy: Very cool.
Michael: Very cool.
Andy: We are going to find out where the action is, my friend.
Michael: Okay.
Andy: Where's the concierge?
Michael: Yes! Wallace said there would be one of those.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Oscar: [to Creed, dressed as the Joker] Whoa! Awesome.
Creed: Let's put a smile on that face!
Kevin: [also dressed as the Joker] Dammit Creed! I've been up since four!
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Angela: Yes, that's correct. I need to cancel checks from 10,001 to 90,000.
Oscar: Great, they stole my laptop.
Kevin: Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.
Oscar: How does that even compare?
Kevin: Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Phyllis: Hey, I'm collecting for the baby shower.
Kevin: But Phyllis, it's not his baby.
Phyllis: I know, Kevin.
Oscar: Why do we have to pay money to get a gift for his ex-girlfriend's unborn sperm bank baby?
Phyllis: Look at it as if you're paying for the cake, not the baby. Sheet cake.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Oscar: Been here nine years. Now all of a sudden I'm supposed to park half a mile away.
Andy: I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Hey. Ready? Come on, show me excited!
Oscar: Yes.
Michael: Yeah, I'm pretty excited too.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 89
