Cheryl: You're not my supervisor!
Pam: Shut up! We're going to go to prison.
Cheryl: No, we're not. Say the right stuff and they just send you to a mental hospital for ten months.
Gilette: I just this second realize why you do macrame instead of knitting.
Cheryl: Yeah, no sharp weapons on the ward. They were really strict about that.

• Permalink: You're not my supervisor! Shut up! We're going to go to prison...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cyril: Maybe I could kill that pesky old worm?
Pam: How you gonna do that? Disappoint it to death?

• Permalink: Maybe I could kill that pesky old worm? How you gonna do that?...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Malory: Well, what about the ground breaking work that Dr. Krieger is doing for ISIS in our Applied Research Division?
Pam: Yeah, tell him about the sex robot.
Malory: Yes, the.. what?
Krieger: I call him Fister Roboto.

• Permalink: Well, what about the ground breaking work that Dr. Krieger is do...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Rona: Where's my journal?
Pam: I maybe kind of sort of took it?
Gillette: Why would you do that?
Cheryl: Did you think it was meat?

• Permalink: Where's my journal? I maybe kind of sort of took it? Why wou...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Who taught you to punch, your husband?

• Permalink: Who taught you to punch, your husband?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Pam: What a hunk
Cheryl: Total sploosh.
Lana: Yeah, gotta give him a sploosh.
Gillette: And whatever my equivalent of sploosh. Which I guess is just sploosh. Only with semen.

• Permalink: What a hunk Total sploosh. Yeah, gotta give him a sploosh. ...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cheryl: Deaf people are gross.
Pam: Not as gross as the hook hand ones.
Cheryl: Eh? I dunno.

• Permalink: Deaf people are gross. Not as gross as the hook hand ones. E...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: Why do we have so many damn dolls in here?
Pam: For sexual harassment complaints so people can non-verbally indicate where stuff happened on their bodies.
Archer: That takes like one doll.
Pam: Not if there's ever a gang rape. (fingers crossed)

• Permalink: Why do we have so many damn dolls in here? For sexual harassme...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cheryl: It tastes worse than it smells!
Pam: Man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a guy say that, i'd have eight nickels!

• Permalink: It tastes worse than it smells! Man, if I had a nickel for eve...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lana: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Cyril: I find your mannish hands disturbing.
Pam: I find them kind of sexy.

• Permalink: I find your lack of faith disturbing. I find your mannish hand...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Pam: Can you explain compounding interest to Cheryl?
Cyril: Maybe if we had an infinite amount of time and she was some one else

• Permalink: Can you explain compounding interest to Cheryl? Maybe if we ha...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Pam: Come on Ms. Archer! You've been in there ten hours, meet us half way and Krieger will let you out of there.
Krieger: Or else he'll crank up the heat again.
Cheryl: I love... that you know how to do that.
Krieger: And I love that I have an erection, that didn't involve homeless people.

• Permalink: Come on Ms. Archer! You've been in there ten hours, meet us half...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0