Malory: What, were the Hell's Angels busy?
Pam: Busy being pussies!

Cheryl: You're all jealous of my fall-back career!"
Pam: As what, an ACTUAL acorn?

Look, auditory hallucinations aren't going to make you any less delicious.

Malory: It's like if you've ever seen Jackie Gleason dance.
Pam: Is that a compliment?
Malory: I don't see how it possibly could be.

Pam: Should I wash my hands?
Kriger: Eh, I didn't.

Maybe you can shut your dick holster.

This time really get in there. All you've been doing is giving one side hell.

Archer: Where did you learn all that stuff?
Pam: You know I grew up on a farm, right?
Archer: Really hoping that's not relevant.

Krieger: I needed help disseminating him.
Cheryl: Eww!
Pam: Not what it means.
Lana: Still pretty gross though.

Archer: Does no one seriously no what today is?
Pam: Tuesday?
Cheryl: The rapture?

Can I just put what I assume is your rock collection on the stupid train?

Cheryl: It tastes worse than it smells!
Pam: Man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a guy say that, i'd have eight nickels!

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?