Pam: No! The solution to every problem isn't throwing freakin' acid on it.
Krieger: Unless the problem is a solution with an overly alkaline pH balance.

• Permalink: Unless the problem is a solution with an overly alkaline pH balance.
• Added: March 13, 2015

Pam: Cyril, you can lie to yourself...
Ray: Obviously, look at your sweater.

• Permalink: Obviously, look at your sweater.
• Added: March 13, 2015

I know you better sit your ass down before I jam an Easy Spirit up it.

• Permalink: I know you better sit your ass down before I jam an Easy Spirit up it.
• Added: March 13, 2015

Pam: But wait, why are you telling me about your plan not to make Lana jealous.
Archer: Because I- oh my god, Pam, I think you might be my best friend
Pam: You're my best friend! (hugs him)
Archer: But what about Cheryl?
Pam: You're my second best friend!

• Permalink: You're my second best friend!
• Added: March 06, 2015

Pam: Pardon, but I'm supposed to-- (Queen slaps Pam)
Queen: Woman! I will kill you where you stand!
Cheryl: Which by law, I would be required to tell you if there was a murder in the house (pause) Ohhh, but if you're the murderer....That's what I love about this job. You learn something new every day.

• Permalink: Woman I will kill you where you stand
• Added: March 06, 2015

Cheryl: Oh please, you invented racism? Also, you're just a reconstructed light field produced by firing a razor through a beam splitter..
Krieger's artificial girlfriend: Waaaww!
Pam: Yeah dude, not cool..

• Permalink: you're just a reconstructed light field
• Added: February 26, 2015

Pam: Can we talk for a second?
Cyril: Is that before Krieger sexually assaulted a 220 outlet. (group laughs)

• Permalink: Is that before Krieger sexually assaulted a 220 outlet
• Added: February 19, 2015

Cheryl: See what? What's Area 51?
Pam: What's Area--, are you shitting me? Everybody knows about Area 51.
Archer: Yeah, even me, and I didn't know they made shoes out of cornbread.

• Permalink: Yeah, even me, and I didn't know they made shoes out of cornbread
• Added: February 19, 2015

Cyril: And basically the only thing that keeps you from murdering each other is a lack of access to fire arms.
Pam: Works for Canada.
Cheryl: Nothing works for Canada.

• Permalink: Nothing works for Canada
• Added: February 13, 2015

Pam: Psst, Cyril rub one out.
Cyril: I do NOT want to masturbate
Pam: Not even after that (referencing Ray and Lana wrestling)

• Permalink: Cyril, rub one out
• Added: February 05, 2015

Barry: Said the dumbwaiter. Get it Archer? As in you're dumb and you dress like a waiter?
Pam: Told ya!
Archer: Goddamnit Pam! This is exactly what a man should wear to a (wedding)

• Permalink: Said the dumbwaiter
• Added: January 30, 2015

Pam: I don't want a show up with a black eye.
Archer: Not a real diverse crowd?
Pam: Eye, idiot! Eye! Although no, not a lot of black guys in rural Wisconsin, and I don't want to sound racist but...
Archer: Power through it

• Permalink: Although no, not a lot of black guys in rural Wisconsin
• Added: January 30, 2015