Cyril: And basically the only thing that keeps you from murdering each other is a lack of access to fire arms.
Pam: Works for Canada.
Cheryl: Nothing works for Canada.

Pam: Psst, Cyril rub one out.
Cyril: I do NOT want to masturbate
Pam: Not even after that (referencing Ray and Lana wrestling)

Barry: Said the dumbwaiter. Get it Archer? As in you're dumb and you dress like a waiter?
Pam: Told ya!
Archer: Goddamnit Pam! This is exactly what a man should wear to a (wedding)

Pam: I don't want a show up with a black eye.
Archer: Not a real diverse crowd?
Pam: Eye, idiot! Eye! Although no, not a lot of black guys in rural Wisconsin, and I don't want to sound racist but...
Archer: Power through it

We'll go help you look for AJ in like five-teen forty minutes

I mean is Is it too much to ask during the goddamn work day for 80 minutes each of uninterrupted dump time?

Ray: Is this Brett's blood?
Cheryl: Ugh no, just the same type. We had to fudge it a little on the stains, some of which actually were fudge
Pam: And some of which merely resembled it

You know how many times I helped a cow give birth in the barn? Plus one time my sister Edie? Well, she couldn't have it in the house! Long story. A long, racist story.

Pam: Now I feel like an asshole.
Malory: When do you not?
Pam: Almost always. I really like me!

Archer: In case you haven't noticed, this place is crawling with rebels.
Pam: And not the good kind you get drunk with at Myrtle Beach, and cruise the strip in the bed of their monster truck with a big rebel flag on it.

Pam: Not without a bunch of garlic and some wooden stakes!
Krieger: They're clones, not vampires.
Pam: Doesn't matter to the stake!

Archer: There's no way a superstar like Kenny Loggins is going to be registered under his own name.
Pam: Yeah ha ha....it's not like he's Messina.

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.