Look, auditory hallucinations aren't going to make you any less delicious.

Malory: It's like if you've ever seen Jackie Gleason dance.
Pam: Is that a compliment?
Malory: I don't see how it possibly could be.

Pam: Should I wash my hands?
Kriger: Eh, I didn't.

Maybe you can shut your dick holster.

This time really get in there. All you've been doing is giving one side hell.

Archer: Where did you learn all that stuff?
Pam: You know I grew up on a farm, right?
Archer: Really hoping that's not relevant.

Krieger: I needed help disseminating him.
Cheryl: Eww!
Pam: Not what it means.
Lana: Still pretty gross though.

Archer: Does no one seriously no what today is?
Pam: Tuesday?
Cheryl: The rapture?

Can I just put what I assume is your rock collection on the stupid train?

Cheryl: It tastes worse than it smells!
Pam: Man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a guy say that, i'd have eight nickels!

How about you Ironside, you riding dirty?

Pam: I for one an going to watch Hooper until my fingers bleed.
Cheryl: Just tape them up.

Archer Quotes

KGB (Crenshaw): This may be old cliche, but... we have ways of making you talk.
Archer: What, your little go-kart battery?
KGB (Crenshaw): Golf cart.
Archer: Whatever. Would you pick an accent and stick with it?

It's like my brain's a tree and you're those little cookie elves.

Archer