I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me, and she still hates me, so...

Pam: You've been watering down the soap?
Dwight: Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom?

I think an ordinary paper company like Dunder-Mifflin was a great subject for a documentary. There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?

Kelly: Get out of my nook, Dwight.
Pam: [heard on Jim's Bluetooth] THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

Oscar and the warehouse guy! Go Oscar! Go gay warehouse guy!

Always the padawan, never the jedi.

Dwight

I know way too much about Andy's scrotum.

Yes, they're the only two gay guys I know. But they should be together.

We should have hired a professional to take the mental pictures.

Michael: I assumed that you want me to be happy, because I want you to be happy.
Pam: Michael. Let me make this very easy for you. I COULD GIVE A SH!T ABOUT YOUR HAPPINESS. STOP DATING MY MOTHER!
Michael: You know what, I'm gonna start dating her even harder.
Pam: What's that supposed to mean.
Michael: You know what it means.

Kevin: What does a bean mean?
Pam: Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me?
Kevin: Michael, what does a bean mean.
Pam: Jim?
Jim: I was just trying to be unbiased.
Kevin: WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN.
Oscar: Would someone please explain to Kevin?
Meredith: Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours.
Phyllis: Not according to the beans.

Dwight: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 349 in total

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The Office Quotes

Michael: Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?
Pam: Steve Martin's not dead, Michael.
Michael: I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It's this.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael
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