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I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me, and she still hates me, so...

Pam: You've been watering down the soap?
Dwight: Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom?

I think an ordinary paper company like Dunder-Mifflin was a great subject for a documentary. There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?

Kelly: Get out of my nook, Dwight.
Pam: [heard on Jim's Bluetooth] THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

Oscar and the warehouse guy! Go Oscar! Go gay warehouse guy!

Always the padawan, never the jedi.

Dwight

I know way too much about Andy's scrotum.

Yes, they're the only two gay guys I know. But they should be together.

We should have hired a professional to take the mental pictures.

Michael: I assumed that you want me to be happy, because I want you to be happy.
Pam: Michael. Let me make this very easy for you. I COULD GIVE A SH!T ABOUT YOUR HAPPINESS. STOP DATING MY MOTHER!
Michael: You know what, I'm gonna start dating her even harder.
Pam: What's that supposed to mean.
Michael: You know what it means.

Kevin: What does a bean mean?
Pam: Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me?
Kevin: Michael, what does a bean mean.
Pam: Jim?
Jim: I was just trying to be unbiased.
Kevin: WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN.
Oscar: Would someone please explain to Kevin?
Meredith: Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours.
Phyllis: Not according to the beans.

Dwight: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 349 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael
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