Pam: You've been watering down the soap?
Dwight: Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom?

I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me, and she still hates me, so...

I think an ordinary paper company like Dunder-Mifflin was a great subject for a documentary. There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?

Kelly: Get out of my nook, Dwight.
Pam: [heard on Jim's Bluetooth] THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

Always the padawan, never the jedi.

Dwight

Oscar and the warehouse guy! Go Oscar! Go gay warehouse guy!

I know way too much about Andy's scrotum.

Yes, they're the only two gay guys I know. But they should be together.

Dwight: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.

Kevin: What does a bean mean?
Pam: Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me?
Kevin: Michael, what does a bean mean.
Pam: Jim?
Jim: I was just trying to be unbiased.
Kevin: WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN.
Oscar: Would someone please explain to Kevin?
Meredith: Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours.
Phyllis: Not according to the beans.

Kevin: Pam?
Pam: Hmm?
Kevin: When will the new copier be ready?
Pam: I'm working on it Kev.
Kevin: You said it would be ready by today. And it is today.
Pam: It'll be ready soon.
Kevin: Soon could mean anything. Soon could be 3 weeks.
Pam: Is that what 'soon' means to you?
Kevin: Sometimes.
Pam: Then come back soon.

We should have hired a professional to take the mental pictures.

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael