Pam: [seeing a picture of Michael and Jan] Oh my God, is that Jan?
Michael: No... that's a German woman named... Urkel... grue.

Kevin: Who makes it?
Michael: Uh, MISSterious. And it is mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side... that's the mystery.
Phyllis: Look, it's got shoulder pads, and did you see that lining?
Michael: Okay.
Phyllis: Did you see...
Michael: Would you stop it, please?
Jim: So, none of that tipped you off?
Michael: It's European, OK? It's a European cut.
Pam: Michael, the pants don't have any pockets.

Michael: Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?
Pam: Steve Martin's not dead, Michael.
Michael: I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It's this.

Pam: I was in the meeting with Jan, and she did say that it could be this branch that gets the axe.
Michael: Well, Pam, uh, maybe you should stick to the ongoing confidentiality agreement of meetings.
Dwight: Yeah, Pam. Information is power!

Pam: Please don't throw garbage at me.
Michael: Pam with the zinger!

My fiancé has plans for us this Saturday, so I really hope Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him.... I'm kidding. Kidding. Totally kidding.

Pam

Dwight: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.

Michael: Hey Pam, how would you like to be our cheerleader today? You know, some uh pigtails, little ah, halter top you could tie that up. And, you know, some little, just youthful for a change, just this once.
Pam: I don't think so Michael. Besides, I can't cheer against my fiancé.
Jim: I'll do it. Wear a little flouncy skirt if you want, and ...
Michael: Yeah i bet you would, just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay I mean, um, you know not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad at sports way. I think that goes without saying.

Pam: I'd just like to say that, my Mom's coming in today.
Kevin: Mmmmilf.
Pam: Thanks Kevin.

Michael: And, even though we're still a family here at Dunder-Mifflin, families grow. And, at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I am upper management, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam, as much as I might want to.
[cut to interview]
Pam: He said WHAT?

Pam: Maybe Angela would cheerlead.
Michael: Oh, yeah right.
Phyllis: I'll do it.
Michael: Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing.

Jim: Wait, what are you writing? Don't write ebola or mad cow disease, all right? Because I'm suffering from both of them.
Pam: I'm inventing new diseases.
Jim: Oh, great.
Pam: So, like, let's say that my teeth turn to liquid and then they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?
Jim: I thought you said you were inventing new diseases. That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion.
Pam: Nice.

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael