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Michael: Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?
Pam: Steve Martin's not dead, Michael.
Michael: I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It's this.

If I knew I had a week to live, I would probably go to Europe. And South America. And the Grand Canyon. And I would want to see the Pacific Ocean. It would be a pretty busy week.

Pam

Angela: Hello, Pam.
Pam: Hello.
Angela: Hey. Do you have any men that you can fix me up with? I would like to have a relationship with a man.
Pam: Um... uh... I'll get back to you.
Angela: Let me know.

Toby: Oh, this looks great. I'd, I'd love to be there, but my daughter's play is tonight. ... Damnit! You know, one of the other parents will probably videotape it.
Pam: Oh! No, you should go.
Toby: Well, it's important to support local art, you know. And what they do is not art.

Charles: Jim. Pam.
Jim: Hey, how are you?
Pam: Hey Charles.
Charles: Nice day, huh?
Jim: Yeah.
Charles: Must be nice to get a rest from all your rest. [walks away]
Jim: I don't get it. He's not even my boss anymore.
Pam: Do you want me to beat him up for you?
Jim: No, I shouldn't have to ask you to do stuff like that. You should just do it.

Dwight: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.

Kinda sounds like prison is better than Dunder Mifflin.

Pam

Dwight: Attention everyone, I just got a text from Michael. He says personnel day. Are we hiring?
Jim: Yep. You're being replaced.
Pam: I think he meant personal day.
Dwight: Oh, that's quite a leap Pam.
Phyllis: I hope he's ok, I feel bad.
Creed: Give it up, he's dead.
Jim: He just sent a text.
Creed: What's a text?

Pam: W.B. Jones is renovating their offices and their construction crews are taking up some of the parking spaces we used to get.
Jim: So we had to park at a satellite parking lot over there.
Pam: Which just means we get to see more of our lovely street. Tell them what we saw today Jim.
Jim: Oh today, we saw a junkyard dog attacking the bones of a rotisserie chicken.
Pam: Nature.

Michael: She was the love of my life. What you and Jim have times 100. Just she... she just left. And I didn't... I never got closure, you know? I never got closure with her. I haven't talked to her since. I haven't seen her since. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure. I feel like I need that.
Pam: Okay, lets go.
Michael: I'll just blow off the lecture at Rochester.
Pam: Yeah, screw 'em. Let's do this.

Pam: Hey.
Jim: Hey.
Pam: Ugh.
Jim: Ugh.
Pam: Everything okay?
Jim: Oh yeah. Why?
Pam: Well you seem a little tired.
Jim: Oh. Yeah well, I guess there's been a couple late nights. Karen and I have been up talking.
Pam: You should get more sleep.
Jim: Yeah, I know I should.
Pam: Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep.
Jim: No, I'm sure you're right.
Pam: When I get eight hours, compared to like six hours, like, big difference.
Jim: Really?
Pam: Oh yeah. Gotta get your REM cycle going with the whole sleeping. Better than not.
Jim: Good advice Beesley. Thanks. See you out there.
Pam: Yeah. Don't fall asleep at your desk.

Michael: Pam, I have ideas on a daily basis. I know I do. I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. Um, is there any chance that you wrote any of my ideas down? Like in a folder? A little idea folder?
Pam: Sorry.
Michael: That's unfortunate.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 349 in total

The Office Quotes

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.

Dwight

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael