When a child gets behind the wheel of a car and runs into a tree, You don't blame the child. He didn't know any better. You blame the 30-year-old woman who got in the passenger seat and said, "Drive, kid. I trust you."

I literally cannot wait to see what Dwight has planned. And I wish Jim were here.

I think you're a witch.

It's been a really rough couple of days... This helps a little.

Pam: We got Kevin 69 Cup-of-Noodles.
Jim: Which we realize sounds crass, but it is his favorite number.
Pam: And his favorite lunch.

Oh no. Dwight isn't my friend ... Oh my God! Dwight's kind of my friend.

Pam

Pam: You blew the sale, you idiot!
Andy: Let me tell you something, I was never gonna make that sale.

I used to love coming here. The chicken parm is good, big part of my childhood. Oh! Maybe Michael will start dating that too.

Michael's been trying to get me and Jim to hang out with him ever since he started dating my mom. I don't know. I really hoped this thing would just die out, but today he's planning a birthday lunch for my mom and we have to go. No way out. No ... way ... out.

I know way too much about Andy's scrotum.

Michael: Pam, will you rub butter on my foot?
Pam: No.
Michael: Please? I have Country Crock.

Pam: Oh, don't get us wrong, we like picnics.
Jim: Come on, who doesn't like a picnic?
Pam: Tell them what happened last year.
Jim: I had this huge spider in my baseball mitt.
Pam: No, no, that guy who hit on me.
Jim: Oh, right, some drunk guy hit on Pam last year. Said he was grabbing her for balance.
Pam: Yeah, you don't grab these [gestures to her chest] for balance.
Jim: Well...

The Office Quotes

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was puke. I would chug a fifth of socos, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more soco, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight B's. They called me Buzz.

Andy