The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Whatcha doing? Trying to contact your home planet?

Penny: That's thinking ahead.
Sheldon: The alternative would be to think backwards.. and that's just remembering.

Penny: He wasn't intellectually stimulating enough.
Bernadette: Couldn't you just fool around with him and then listen to NPR?
Penny: Wouldn't help. Zack couldn't even spell NPR.

Penny: Okay, help me out here. How does an archeology professor get that good with a whip?
Wolowtiz: Maybe he took a class at the adult book store. That's how I learned.

Sometimes stuff just happens and there's nothing you can do about it. For example, Lisa Peterson hasn't talk to me since the eleventh grade because no matter how much you apologize you can't go back and un-dryhump someone's boyfriend.

Wolowitz: Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?
Penny: Not since I found out the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.

Penny: I hear you broke up with Amy.
Sheldon: Breakup would imply she was my girlfriend. She was a girl who was my friend who is now not my friend.
Penny: Wow, It's like the worst country song ever.

Penny: God, he's an ass when he drinks.
Wolowitz: He's an ass he doesn't. You just don't hear it.

I just run till I'm hungry, and then I stop for a bear claw.

Leonard: Penny, Steve Wozniack was one of the co-founders of Apple computer. He and Steve Jobs...
Penny: Yeah. I know who he is. I watch Dancing With the Stars.

Penny: Honey, have you ever run before?
Sheldon: Certainly. I've run from bullies, dogs, angry chickens and one particularly persistent PE teacher determined to bend me over and give me a scoliosis test.

Penny: Can I ask you a question?
Sheldon: Given your community college education, I encourage you to ask as many as possible.

Displaying quotes 229 - 240 of 362 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Sheldon: Ugh! English pudding. Y-You get yourself all excited for pudding, and here comes a cake with raisins in it. I'm not going.
Amy: You're going.
Sheldon: Why do you hate me?
Amy: I don't hate you. I love you.
Sheldon: Well, you call it love, but it has a lot of raisins in it.