Good morning, slut.

Mrs. Cooper, hi, it's Penny. I think I broke your son.

Penny: Let's try some improvisation.
Sheldon: Why not? It seems you're improvising your entire curriculum.

Sweetie, let me put this in a way you'll understand. From the waist down, my shields are up.

You know, for a smart guy you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept don't piss off the people who handle the things you eat.

Ok, so the same with extra spit on Sheldon's hamburger.

Whatcha doing? Trying to contact your home planet?

Penny: That's thinking ahead.
Sheldon: The alternative would be to think backwards.. and that's just remembering.

Penny: He wasn't intellectually stimulating enough.
Bernadette: Couldn't you just fool around with him and then listen to NPR?
Penny: Wouldn't help. Zack couldn't even spell NPR.

Penny: Okay, help me out here. How does an archeology professor get that good with a whip?
Wolowtiz: Maybe he took a class at the adult book store. That's how I learned.

Sometimes stuff just happens and there's nothing you can do about it. For example, Lisa Peterson hasn't talk to me since the eleventh grade because no matter how much you apologize you can't go back and un-dryhump someone's boyfriend.

Wolowitz: Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?
Penny: Not since I found out the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon