How can you not be happy? You're tall, thin and famous. Oh, my God. I'm jealous of Sheldon.

Penny: "Want of Understanding"? What does that even mean?
Amy: Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.

Penny: We had one of those silly fake weddings.
Leonard: Penny ... you know those are real, right?
Penny: No, they're not.
Leonard: Yeah, they are.
Penny: No, they're not.
Leonard: Yeah, they are.
Sheldon: He's right.
Amy: They're real.
Penny: But, it didn't seem real.

Raj: That's horrible. Why would you push a cow over? They're sacred.
Penny: Oh, stop it. I've seen you eat, like, a million hamburgers.
Raj: Hey, an animal can be both sacred and delicious.

Sweetie ... every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins.

I may be a bad waitress, but you're a bad person. Now, want to hear the specials?

Leonard: How about that? Sheldon's being reasonable.
Penny: Yeah, it's freaking me out. I'm gonna go.

Penny: Ooh, that looks like fun.
Bernadette: Maybe you should master glue before you move on to fire.

Penny: Just you wait and see. I'm gonna romance your freakin' ass off.
Leonard: That's beautiful. Is that Shakespeare?

Sex doesn't count.

Penny: Hey, how come you've never done anything romantic to celebrate our first date?
Leonard: Well, for starters, you've broken up with me so many times, which first date are we talking about?

Penny [to Sheldon]: Your food's ready.
Leonard: No, no, what are you doing? He's both happy and quiet. It's like seeing a unicorn and Bigfoot at the same time.

TBBT Quotes

Mrs. Cooper: Shelly! I'm so glad you're here!
Sheldon: I saw you having naked sex.

Penny: I give up, he's impossible
Sheldon: I can't be impossible, I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, "I give up, he's improbable."