Perry Cox Quotes
J.D.: Turk practically had sex in the on call room.
Dr. Cox: You realise I have no idea who Turk is, but good for him! edit
Carla, can I ask you a personal question? Do you spray the perfume on, or do you just fill your bathtub up with it at home and splash around in it?
Dr. Cox
J.D.: Dr. Kelso, he's always telling me, you know, "You've gotta stay positive!"
Dr. Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible so I don't overstate it: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet. And may, in fact, be Satan, himself
Dr. Cox: Look, worst case scenario, you kill somebody, and that hangs over your head the rest of your life... But that is the absolute worst case scenario. Come on, newbie, look: Just have the nurses do all the stuff you're still too chicken to do, which I assume covers just about everything, and if you have a really rough admission-
J.D.: Call you?
Dr. Cox: No! I was gonna say go hide in the closet again!
Look, surgeons always want to slice people open whether it's the best option or not. No disrespect, but you're just not that bright, you have no idea how to do anything else. Unfortunately, sick people are also very, very stupid and almost always agree to anything that a blood-letting corpse carpenter, such as yourself, tells them. I simply stay in the room to make sure they make the right choice
Dr. Cox [to Turk]
Turk: I don't understand. If I'm the best surgeon here, how come you're always looking over my shoulder?
Dr. Cox: Oh give me a break, would you? Saying someone is "the best surgeon" is like saying someone is the smartest cast member of The Hills. Let's face it, it's just not that tough to float to the top of the surgical toilet
Dr. Maddox: Looking for something?
Dr. Cox: Yes, my cloak of invisibility so I can avoid conversations with soulless dictators such as yourself. Unfortunately, it's really hard to find because, as the name suggests, it's invisible
# Dr. Cox: I am getting rid of Maddox. Who's in?
Janitor: I'm in. Ever since she fired me I've been moping around my apartment making barking sounds. I'm not crazy, I just need some human interaction and the barking makes the neighbors yell 'shut that damn thing up'. Then I can go over there with a bottle of scotch and apologize for Rusty, my imaginary echida. The only downside is that by the time Lady, my girlfriend, gets home, I'm too drunk to talk to her, much less make love. You've never pictured me as an organism that has sex, have you?
Dr. Cox: We have not, no.
Dr. Cox: How are we going to get rid of Maddox? Janitor, would you like to get your useless ideas out of the way first?
Janitor: Well thank you Perry. Off the top of my head I'd go reindeer stampede, astronaut attack, barbed wire chandelier, photoshop, poisonous sushi
Jordan: Admittedly, getting rid of Maddox is a board issue. But, as you all know, I recently retired to become a full-time mom.
J.D.'s narration: Crap! We forgot Jordan's retirement party last week. I hope we weren't the only ones.
Dr. Cox: I really should have gone to your party.
Jordan: You think?
Dr. Kelso: You know, you hurt my feelings earlier.
Dr. Cox: In my defense, you are a soulless creature from the netherworld who doesn't really have feelings
[Dr. Cox telling Kelso how much he misses him...]
Dr. Cox: When you were the Chief, you were a jackass and a nightmare and I hated you a great deal.
Dr. Kelso: That's a good start
