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Peter: Were your parents ninjas?
Dan: They never said.

Jared: We were young. Mere chicken tenders.
Peter: But now we're the big cocks of the wok.

Peter: This is insane, even for you.
Jared: Only if you think about it.

Objection your honor, you look far too hot.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

You can't rekindle something that was never kindled in the first place.

From now on we'll only boil them alive, crack their shells and suck out their insides.

Officer: What's that smell?
Jared: We've got a pet skunk.

Men have had their minds blown over women since Eve bit Adam's apple.

Jared: He's not her type.
Peter: Oh yeah because she couldn't be interested in a fitness freak who gives happy endings for a living.

Jared: Stealing a wave.
Peter: That's just unCalifornian.

Last time we dared we ended up making out.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 82 in total

Franklin & Bash Quotes

See that's a talent, sounding like a total asshole even when you're supposedly saying something sincere.


"Sorry, sorry. Jean Claude Van Damme marathon last night. Unavoidable.