Peter: "Well at least we have a jury of our peers."
Joe: "I don't think THEY see it that way, Peter."

"Keith Urban...Brett Favre....William H. Macy?"

"Wow! I had never believed in the Holocaust until now."

"Hey Joe, what's your favorite preparation of a tomato? Is it "son died" tomato?"

"Oh this looks fantastic. I can't wait to poop this out."

Peter: Eddie Izard would be very discreet.
Quagmire: Well, there's your answer.

Joe: Oh my god, he must have hung himself during auto-erotic asphyxiation!
Peter: While watching clown porn!

Lois:Oh my god, not that guy. Isn't he the one that beats her?
Peter: Yea, but she's gotten a LOT better.

What do you mean I'm broke? What about all that money I sent to the Gayman Islands? They did what with it? No I don't want it back!

Lois: Is it a blood diamond?
Peter: Only the bloodiest.

Well, sorry doesn't show me nipples worth seeing!

No! Anna Paquin boob does not count as real boob! That's like looking at a 12-year-old boy.

Family Guy Quotes

I forgot Yelp was a weapon for dumb people, you taught me something today Brian.

Stewie

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)