Lois: I thought you said you'd take care of it!
Peter: I did. He slept with it, now he'll slowly grow to hate it for the next 20 years.

Just last week I let you watch me complain after I ate too many hot wings.

There's nothing here, besides a weird life-sized doll made out of all the stuff that was stolen.

You go home and tell your mother, she's supposed to be a parent, not a friend.

Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing -- that's great.

You got a good body man, why do you hide it under your robe?

Don't think of it as 20 years -- think of it as two 10 year olds, you sick freak.

You know I'm carrying three handguns and the metal detectors picked up nothing?

Does this mean you're going to move to Europe to make movies?

Have you seen my copy of "Into the WIld?"

Let's go take a ride in my open jeep. I took the doors off so it's extra terrifying.

No, I'm sorry. I thought this was a bank.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Announcer: We now return to Morgan Freeman starring in "The Narrator."
Morgan Freeman: Ever since I was a little boy, people have enjoyed the sound of my voice. And I figured you either get busy talkin or you get busy dyin'. The work is really quite easy. Why even right now I'm just sitting in a chair, sipping some tea and reading from a script. The wall is covered in something that resembles egg crates except they're soft and spongy, like a twinkie...like a twinkie.