Lois: I thought you said you'd take care of it!
Peter: I did. He slept with it, now he'll slowly grow to hate it for the next 20 years.

Just last week I let you watch me complain after I ate too many hot wings.

There's nothing here, besides a weird life-sized doll made out of all the stuff that was stolen.

You go home and tell your mother, she's supposed to be a parent, not a friend.

Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing -- that's great.

You got a good body man, why do you hide it under your robe?

Don't think of it as 20 years -- think of it as two 10 year olds, you sick freak.

You know I'm carrying three handguns and the metal detectors picked up nothing?

Does this mean you're going to move to Europe to make movies?

Have you seen my copy of "Into the WIld?"

Let's go take a ride in my open jeep. I took the doors off so it's extra terrifying.

No, I'm sorry. I thought this was a bank.

Family Guy Quotes

(Stewie and Brian begin kissing in order to get thrown out of the Army)
Stewie: Wow, look at how gay we are! I am so gay with my gayness!
Brian: Me, too! I'm...I'm a homo.
Army Guy: Any room for one more?
Stewie: Hell yeah!
(Brian smacks Stewie)

No matter how low I turn the volume, Aziz Ansari is always shouting at me. What did I do?

Stewie