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Family-guy

Lois: Peter, where'd you even get the money to make that kind of purchase?
Peter: I sold the house. And I did it on Craigslist, so now I have a dangerous friend!

Lois: Peter, you went out and bought a farm without talking to me about it?
Peter: Well, Lois, in my defense, I have nothing to back up the first part of my sentence.

Well, you guys, we did it. We finally went to a restaurant without somebody yelling at us, and then the rest of the place applauding them.

Lois: Well, I disagree with you guys. I think Quahog is still pretty great.
Peter: You know, it's hard for me to take the things you say seriously when I know what's been in that mouth of yours.

Peter: We're going nowhere! This bar belongs to us! Ice cream truck! [runs off]
Joe: You didn't get any ice cream?
Peter: The ice cream man was handsome and I got nervous!

Meg: Alright Chris, where is it? And don't try to act like you don't know what I'm talking about.
Peter: Fine, you caught me. So I borrowed your bra, my boobs hurt when I go down the stairs!

All the greatest moments of my life, I've spent right here in this booth. Maggie's first word, Bart jumping that canyon, Mr. Plow, all the greatest moments of my life.

Sorry, Amanda. By the law of 80's movies, a newly-trasnformed tomboy supersedes your long-standing hotness.

That was the start of the dark times. The banks took our bars, our businesses, and then our homes. A change had to be made. A change only one man could make. I am The Windmaker. And I shoot monkeys now.

Good afternoon. I'd just like to say that before today, I didn't know the Munsters were driving around in a funeral car. I'm beginning to think everything on that show was just a big joke!

There's nothing an un-stretched, middle-age body likes more than explosive movement.

Peter: Shut up, Meg!
Lois: Peter!
Chris: Dad!
Brian: You're back!
Meg: [dejectedly] Yay.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 835 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

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