Family Guy

Peter Griffin Quotes (Page 72)

Peter: Okay, okay, how many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin' apes to throw feces at each other!
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Peter: This comic sucks!. He couldn't make me laugh, even if I was laughing my ass off and he was making me do it
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: At least I'll be the fattest guy on Spooner Street who's getting a boat.
Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey! I'm getting a boat!
Peter: Aw man, even Della Reese is getting a boat
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Ok, here's the plan. I'll be Charlie and you can all be be my angels! Except you. You be Bosley
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria: Mr. Griffin, I'm Gloria Ironbox. I represent one of your co-workers, Sarah Bennett. She's suing you and the company for sexual harrasssment.
Peter: Sarah, Sarah? I don't--oh, is she the one we video taped taking a dump?
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: What day is it?
Lois: Thursday.
Peter: Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm late!
Lois: If you spent less time fixing your hair...
Peter: No Lois, I'm late, late. Do we still have that pregnancy test?
Lois: Are you insane? You can't have a baby.
Peter: Well I don't have a lot of options. I'm Catholic. I thought you'd be happy
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: What am I supposed to do with all my great ideas? Put 'em in a tub and clean myself with them? Cause that's what soap is for, Lois
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Mr. Weed said whoever comes up with the best idea for the big christmas toy gets a huge bonus!
Chris: Why don't you invent the frisbee, dad? That's an awesome toy!
Meg: The frisbee's already been invented.
Chris: Then how come I've never heard of it?
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Look I've had a good life and you can always be proud of your father in all of his accomplishments.
Meg: What accomplishments?
Peter: Go to your room
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Woah, woah, woah! Is this the price of my bill or my phone number?
Nurse: Your phone number
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite quote from "?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!