Mr. Tumnis: Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnis.
Peter: Hey give me back my sock you goat bastard!

Patriot: Peter.
Peter: Hey you're the Pawtucket Patriot.
Patriot: Verily. Come hither and give heed.
Peter: Woah woah woah. I don't swing that way pal. Look I've got a date with my female wife. I just came down to get some beers.
Patriot: Why spend time with your wife? If you build a bar in this basement and stuff it with plenty of Pawtucket Patriots, your friends will come down here for a beer as well.
Peter: Build a bar! That's a great idea. Wait one last question! If I walk through you does that mean like..we've done it?
Patriot: Gee what's with you and the gay jokes?

Peter [while riding an elephant]: Hey, Lois, look. The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change

Stewie: I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here.
Peter: Hey stinky. Have we got big plans for you.
Stewie: Plans? What the devil are you talking about?

Peter: Meg, you're home late.
Meg: I stayed after school to try out for cheerleading.
Peter: Well, don't keep me in suspense. How'd you do?
Meg: I'll give you a hint. I S-U-C-K-E-D! Sucked! Sucked!
Peter: Yay! Oh, I mean, sorry, honey

Meg: Daddy, you must think I'm the worst daughter ever.
Peter: Oh no you're not honey. What about that fat girl from the Judds?

Face it, I'm a bad husband, a lousy father, and a snappy dresser

Come on everyone, we're late for the Bavarian Folk Festival. You know those Germans, if you don't join their party they'll come get ya!

Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness, Star Trek was here first

Peter: Let's play a game called Takin' the fall for Daddy. If you win, I'll buy you a convertible when you get your license.
Meg: Really? Oh Daddy, now I love you again.
Peter: Oh, you're gonna make some Jewish guy a great wife

Meg: Dad, if I don't get my driver's license, I'll never have any boyfriends, I'll never get married and I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell.
Peter: Meg ... are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell can't drive?

Peter: What can me and you do together? (Lois giggles) Lois, you've got a sick mind!
Lois: Peter, I'm talkin' about making love.
Peter: Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money

Family Guy Quotes

(Stewie and Brian begin kissing in order to get thrown out of the Army)
Stewie: Wow, look at how gay we are! I am so gay with my gayness!
Brian: Me, too! I'm...I'm a homo.
Army Guy: Any room for one more?
Stewie: Hell yeah!
(Brian smacks Stewie)

No matter how low I turn the volume, Aziz Ansari is always shouting at me. What did I do?

Stewie