Peter Griffin Quotes
Brian [in prison]: Uh, how was your shower?
Peter: Oh, I tell ya Brian, all the rumors about dropping the soap are true.
Peter: Oh yeah, you can't hold onto that thing to save your life. Oh, it was slipping all over the place. Guys were laughing
Judge: Mr. Griffin, don't you think you should have alerted the government to such a gross over-payment?
Peter: Well uh, I was gonna call 'em but uh, my favorite episode of Diff'rent Strokes was on
Now kids, daddy only drank so the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off
Peter [at communion]: Whoa! Is that really the blood of Christ?
Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?
Voiceover on TV: The Statue Of Liberty was a gift from France...
Guy: The Statue Of Liberty!?
Peter: Oh my kid must of taped over this for history class. Boys, boys! We're going to drink till she's hot.
Quagmire: Hey, thats just crazy enough to work
Mr. Weed: Peter! Are you sleeping on the job?
Peter: Uh uh...no!! There's uh...a...bug in my eye and I'm trying to suffocate him
Guys, our money problems are over; we are officially on welfare! Come on kids, help me scatter car parts on the front lawn
Meg: Mom, can I turn the heat up?
Lois: Don't touch the thermostat, Meg. Your father gets upset.
Meg: Come on. This thing goes up to 90.
[Meg adjusts it a little, and Peter suddenly comes into the room]
Peter: Who touched the thermostat?
Meg: God, how does he always know?
Peter: Brain implant, Meg. Every father's got one. Tells you when the kids mess with the dial.
Guy: My thing went off! Your thermostat okay?
Brian: Amazing, you can barely drive a car, and yet you are allowed to fly a blimp?
Peter: Yeah, America's great, except for the south
Quagmire: Hey Peter, you want to play "drink the beer"?
Peter: Sure. (takes drink of beer)
Quagmire: You win!
Peter: What do I win?
Quagmire: Another beer!
Peter: Oh man, I'm going for the high score!
Quagmire: Actually, Charlie has the high score.
Charlie [peeing in grandfather clock]: Hey man, your clock won't flush
Peter: Not a word to your mother about my getting canned.
Peter: Nothing. Ooh, the lost-my-job smells great!
Lois: Excuse me?
Peter: Uh...Meg, honey, could you please pass the fired-my-ass-for-negligence?
Lois: Peter, are you feeling okay?
Peter: What are you talking about, Lois? I feel great. I haven't got a job in the world
How the hell am I going to break this to Lois? If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's going to blame me!