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Family-guy

Lois: Peter, do you even know which one of our children I'm talking about?
Peter: Gordon?

A job? Lois, the seventies are over, forget it

Lois: A flight attendant? Wow, that does sound exciting. What made you change your mind?
Peter: Just my desire to see you happy.
Lois: Aww....
Peter: And to exploit your hard labour for free travel and fun.
Lois: What?
Peter: Shhh... I didn't say anything. Go to sleep crazy lady

Peter: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait a second! You're telling me, I flew all the way to Kentucky, to get some of your fried chicken, and--and the Colonel isn't even working today??
KFC Employee: He ain't here -- He dead.
Peter: What??
KFC Employee: I say he dead.
Peter: Is Mr. Sanders in?
KFC Employee: What wrong wit you? I say you he dead!
Peter: . . . . THE COL-ONEL!

I'll tell you Lois, High school is a lot more fun this time around. And it's a lot safer now that all the kids have guns

Sweet statuatory, you look beautiful

Peter: ...and that's my plan, Principal. So, what do you think?
Principal: But... you didn't tell me anything? You just sat down & said "And that's my plan"

Peter: You don't remember what it's like to be my age!
Lois: I'm two years younger then you!

Peter: Woah! Is that really the blood of Christ?
Priest: Yes.
Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?

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