Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

You know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don't wake up in a castle — you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.

The computer and the printer must talk, talk, talk/Command P makes the picture walk, walk, walk.

Why do I have to watch a French movie, I didn't do anything wrong.

Ordinarily I'm a rule follower, but when someone tells me I can't bring my own snacks into their stadium? That's when I get a little... nuts. It's a free country right? Let's just say it Ruffles me when some Goobers tell me I have to spend my half my PayDay on their hot dogs.

The little snowflake makes it cold, cold, cold. Set Temperature makes it hold, hold, hold...

Don't be disrespectful Luke, anybody could do it with Gloria.

You're all the porn I need.

Perhaps I'll be Reginald Appleby. An English gentleman in town for a polo match.

You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!

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