Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

You know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don't wake up in a castle — you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.

The computer and the printer must talk, talk, talk/Command P makes the picture walk, walk, walk.

Why do I have to watch a French movie, I didn't do anything wrong.

Ordinarily I'm a rule follower, but when someone tells me I can't bring my own snacks into their stadium? That's when I get a little... nuts. It's a free country right? Let's just say it Ruffles me when some Goobers tell me I have to spend my half my PayDay on their hot dogs.

The little snowflake makes it cold, cold, cold. Set Temperature makes it hold, hold, hold...

You're all the porn I need.

Don't be disrespectful Luke, anybody could do it with Gloria.

Perhaps I'll be Reginald Appleby. An English gentleman in town for a polo match.

You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!

Alex is teaching herself Chinese so she'll be useful when they finish buying us.

Luke, I am your father. That's what I said to you when you were coming out of your mom's lady parts.

Phil: My wife is always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Phil: Oh no, she could make lists for days.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 308 in total

Modern Family Quotes

I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.

Cameron

Phil: I'm just excited. After today you're going to be a councilwoman and I'm going to be a first husband.
Claire: If you don't stop filming, you're going to be MY first husband.

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