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Modern-family

Phil: I can forgive the smoking, but I can't forgive the lie.
[Claire glares at him]
Phil: Or the smoking.

I guess the couch did it to itself. I guess it came home after a tough day, lit up a cigarette and burned itself. Is that what happened? Because that makes no sense.

Phil: Goodbye Dunphy Christmas. Haley, I guess you're not getting that car.
Haley: I was getting a car?
Phil: No, I was lying. Because that's what Dunphys do now, we're liars.

Claire [to kids]: Which one of you was smoking?
Phil: Not me, I have a respiratory problem.
Claire: Obviously, not you.

Phil: Where's mom?
Phil's Dad: Mom is sinking fast.... she's in the bath tub.

You have nothing to fear, but fear itself... and the concrete.

Let me know if you run low on supplies, I'll take a quick trip to the 1950s for you.

Phil: I need the scariest reptile you got.
Jungle Tanya: I have an iguana that eats crickets.
Phile: That would be scary if it was a bday for crickets. Seriously Jungle Tanya, I need you to step it up a notch. Is there anything that scares the coocoo out of you?
Jungle Tanya: Not really. I do have a bearded dragon...
Phil: Ooh!
Jungle Tanya: No, it doesn't breath fire.

Phil: Luke's not much of a clown fan.
Cameron: Has he ever seen a good one?
Phil: Has anyone?

Sorry I fell asleep while you were describing the most boring party ever.

Phil [about Luke]: He's one of those kids you get him a gift and all he wants to do is play with the box.
Claire: One year we just got him a box, a really nice box
Phil: And we made the mistake of putting it in a gift bag.
Claire: So he played with the gift bag.
Phil: We can't get it right.

I never liked Spandau Ballet. Our entire marriage, I never once mentioned Spandau Ballet. Am I even pronouncing that right?

Displaying quotes 277 - 288 of 308 in total

Modern Family Quotes

I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.

Cameron

Alex: Dad, we haven't had lunch yet.
Phil: Neither have half the kids in Africa. Stop yappin' and get back to work.

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