Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Don't talk black to me!

Gather round like you're hugging me, but don't touch me!

This stuff's really hitting me. My insides feel like velvet.

If I never wake up, I'd hate for the last thing you ever said to me to be a lie.

We raised our kids right. One of them will come forward, or the other two will rat them out.

Claire: We're gonna pass into legend. The parents who canceled Christmas.
Phil: I thought you'd be happy.
Claire: They'll write songs about us. They'll make a Christmas special with those ugly little clay pieces.

Phil: I can forgive the smoking, but I can't forgive the lie.
[Claire glares at him]
Phil: Or the smoking.

I guess the couch did it to itself. I guess it came home after a tough day, lit up a cigarette and burned itself. Is that what happened? Because that makes no sense.

Phil: Goodbye Dunphy Christmas. Haley, I guess you're not getting that car.
Haley: I was getting a car?
Phil: No, I was lying. Because that's what Dunphys do now, we're liars.

Claire [to kids]: Which one of you was smoking?
Phil: Not me, I have a respiratory problem.
Claire: Obviously, not you.

Phil: Where's mom?
Phil's Dad: Mom is sinking fast.... she's in the bath tub.

You have nothing to fear, but fear itself... and the concrete.

Displaying quotes 277 - 288 of 314 in total
× Close Ad