A wise and insightful old hippie, a Jeff Bridges old hippie.

Haley you're not quitting, you're resigning it sounds better.

Phil: What did I say about eating things for money?
Luke: Charge the most and people will think you're worth it.

There is no guy, I'm the guy.

Oh quick, nature's surefire sunburn remedy- aloe!

I'm not sure how that guy got to be a professor if he was stupid enough to dump you.

I should get going, my allergies are starting to cry.

Everybody who I did not create, get out of my house right now.

I think I may have been being too sexy.

I'm sorry for dozens of things everyday that actually happen, if I start apologizing for things that don't happen how productive of a person would I be?

Don't ever ask me about my business Claire.

I know you guys like to go to mom because she's Mr. Tough Guy problem solver.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.