Yeah I was pretty ticked off that Mitchell double crossed my double cross.

Claire: You don't make a shiv out of a knife.
Phil: yeah you make a shiv out of a rusty spoon or a shard of glass.
Claire: Or a human femur.
Phil: Exactly, be creative.

Let's get Phil-sical.

It's kind of my lucky number. It's the year Footloose came out.

Phil Dunphy this is the year 2025, welcome, you're the first one here.

Haley: In Legally Blonde Elle won her case because she was true to herself and dressed cute.
Phil: Haley this is real life, not an excellent movie.

Look this has gotta be some kind of mistake. Our daughter is tiny, there's no way she assaulted anyone. Insulted maybe. Was the cop wearing white socks and dark shoes? Because that really sets her off.

I'm not a rider, I'm a strider.

I'm not nervous, I've had hogs bigger than this between my legs!

Phil: It's not nerdy, Luke back me up.
Luke: I hope you mean into the garage because I have friend on this street.

Wait so you're telling me this call isn't coming from inside the house?

Seriously, Gryffindor letting his mom carry his quidditch pole, how Hufflepuff is that?

Modern Family Quotes

That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.

Phil

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay