There is no guy, I'm the guy.

Oh quick, nature's surefire sunburn remedy- aloe!

I'm not sure how that guy got to be a professor if he was stupid enough to dump you.

I should get going, my allergies are starting to cry.

Everybody who I did not create, get out of my house right now.

I think I may have been being too sexy.

I'm sorry for dozens of things everyday that actually happen, if I start apologizing for things that don't happen how productive of a person would I be?

Don't ever ask me about my business Claire.

I know you guys like to go to mom because she's Mr. Tough Guy problem solver.

Phil: Is there some kind of dress code for Godparents?
Claire: You're not wearing a fedora Phil.

When I was 17 I was really close to my friend Stacey's mom. Mrs. Robinson was a former cheerleader so she knew just how to massage my legs after practice. She had her own homemade bengay that didn't burn no matter where she rubbed it on me.

These jeans just slipped on me so perfectly, my name must be "Pantserella."

Modern Family Quotes

You could pretend to get sick at the table. You know cough, stomachache, dealer's choice, I don't care just sell it.

Mitchell

Thank you Uncle Manny!

Haley