Favorite Pierce Hawthorne Quotes
Troy: You should be like Calvin. His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it.
Pierce: Calvin Coolidge?
Pierce: abed, Your social skills aren't exactly streets ahead, know what I mean?
Abed: I don't.
Jeff. you're not alone in this case. Pierce, stop trying to coin the phrase, streets ahead
Pierce: Trying? Coined and minted.
Pierce: So what's the deal Jeff, you leave your stones in your other suit? Why didn't you wrap that guy in the face?
Jeff: For the same reason I floss, have a bed frame, and keep my guitar in its case. I'm over 23.
Abed: It's the first season of Lost on DVD.
Pierce: That's the meaning of Christmas?
Abed: No it's a metaphor. It represents lack of payoff.
Troy: Is it black Michael Chiklis?
Annie: No!
Pierce: Is it white George Foreman
Britta: You guys are talking about the same person. He's biracial, his name is David and he's a human being.
Abed: He still assumes I'm a terrorist.
Pierce: If you're not, I'm sorry. If you are, I'm a hero. I'm willing to take that chance.
I'll show you the tool that's most important to our survival... but fair warning, it's my penis.
Pierce: I can't hear you over the sound of me rubbing his sword on my balls.
Abed: You have successfully rubbed your balls on the sword.
Annie: Shirley, you are a guilt machine
Pierce: And annie knows a thing or two about guilt, am I right Jew?
Annie: Say the whole word.
Pierce: Jewey?
Troy: You would never catch a Jehovah's Witness saying "jewey."
Pierce: It comes with the birthday cake you never got.
I can't think of anything more frightening than a half-Polish, half-Arab virgin in his thirties. One way or another, that ends with an explosion.
Troy: I want TBD. Is that new?
Pierce: If it's what I think, I had it for about a month in the '70s.
Troy: I'm just sharing what you say.
Pierce: Yeah? Well, what if I share all the stuff you say? He thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls.
Troy: There's no way to disprove that. Have you ever seen a cat penis?
