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Pierce: I assume you are familiar with the Greendale bylaws.
Dean Pelton: I am not.

Will someone please call all the ambulances?

Pierce: The question is who am I doing this weekend?
Jeff: He's asking because he's already forgotten. It's nobody.

How long was I out? Is Napster still a thing?

Oh no, you're not letting some slumlord take your your hard earned money. I'll fix it. I used to do that kind of thing all the time when I was a slumlord.

Bitches is gay talk for friends.

Student: Excuse me are you Pierce Hawthorne, Hawthrone wipes?
Pierce: At your cervix! Sorry I thought you were a lady.

Pierce: What did I do to deserve that? Keep me out of your stupid stories.
Troy: I didn't say it was you. I said it was a crazy, old, racist doctor.

By sewing my butt to my chest, you've given me boobs I can touch all day.

Displaying quotes 19 - 27 of 112 in total